300 - Action Creates Confidence

Today we explore how taking action fuels confidence, the importance of creative constraints, and strategies for embracing your authentic self to step into your voice and power.

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Produced by: Grey Tanner

Transcript

Bonnie (00:01.006)
Hello loves.

Let's talk about today how action produces confidence. I think in this in the grand scheme of things of how we pay attention, we can be doing that our whole damn lives. And some of that I think is deeply important to then be able to look at all the stories inside of ourselves and be able to say, the story I'm telling myself is.

And recognizing where we are freezing ourselves because we are waiting to find the confidence, the drive, the whatever it is, the assurance before we do the damn thing. But action produces confidence. And I was just on a call with a teacher because I do mentorship for teachers.

And this teacher in specific is wants to build some things and was talk we were talking about social media. We're talking about navigating. And I I love 101 work because it is real life shit. And this person has another job and what they want to build and how they want to figure out what it is they have to say, because they know they have something to say, and how do they lean in and do it.

I love this work. And this line came up in our conversation together, where she was wondering.

Bonnie (01:36.878)
How to jump into some things. And I said, action produces confidence. And the same exact thing applies to me. The same exact thing applies to me. And I think it can be really easy to look at anybody in the entire world and anybody who has built anything.

And some people think that what I've built is probably not cool. And some people think it's cool. And that it goes for everyone, everywhere. But you can look at people and say, I wish I had this or I wish I knew how to do that. Or like, I I just I I don't know. And so we step into this relationship with doing the damn thing and we either avoid it or we're too anxious about it. And we're like, what the? And so you actually have to do something.

And this is why a long, long time ago, when I was when I had three young kids, you know, my kids are 20 and 18 and 15 now, and they were little and they weren't even in school yet. And I thought, I want to build something. What's one step that I can that moves me forward but doesn't burn me out? And I said that so long ago, and it's the same thing. That's what I've put into action for so many years. An action produces confidence.

You have to do the damn thing. And you're not gonna find it first. You're not gonna find confidence first and then go. You're gonna find it on the way. The process is literally the path to being able to own what it is that you are you're saying. And there is nuance in this, as there is in everything. But I want to speak specifically to you if.

you are somebody who is worried about the space that you might take up.

Bonnie (03:39.914)
And really wanting to do something, wanting to build something, wanting to use your voice in a particular way where you know that there's part of you that's on the inside that you want to share with the world that there's something for you to give. And maybe it's part of, well, I don't have a quote elevator speech. I don't know what my niche is, or like I think I am my niche. And so what do I even say? Because then I really just love talking about all these things. How do you actually go about?

Trying to unearth, to reveal, to unfurl yourself even to yourself first. Okay, let's jump in. First off, though, we need to have an agreement that this isn't an all or nothing path. And that there is different seasons of our lives that will provide us different opportunities to practice different things.

And some things circle right back around again. You're like, hello, friend. I know what this is. Great. Now I have some more tools to approach said thing, right? But also just acknowledge that we need to acknowledge here that a little bit goes a long way. And that when it comes to taking action and doing something, that oftentimes we can say, I'm gonna go for it. And I was working with somebody who's like, I'm gonna start running.

And they never ran ever before. And I was like, okay, just go into it slow. Like get the foam roller, make sure you're doing some stretching. And you know, just pick a day and we're we're starting off. And then I met up with them and they were injured because they're like, I'm gonna run five times a week, but like there was never ever running before. And how do you run and how do you recover from this? And we don't have to have an all or nothing and consistency if the if

If you are zero doing the thing right now, whatever it is, consistency can look like once a month.

Bonnie (05:43.734)
It can look like once a month. That is being consistent. And it can look like once a week, and it can look like two times a week, and it could look like every single day, right? But it can look like once a month.

And that feels really important to put in in the bucket of conversations here. so action produces confidence. You're gonna need to do it more than once. So you're gonna need to find some sort of consistency. And consistency can mean once a month, it can mean once a week. And also, if we're going to create shit.

If we're gonna put something out in the world that we're feeling feeling stoked on, then we need to also remember that creativity loves constraints.

If you have certain bounds around a thing, then it helps you make a thing. For example, I wrote a sexy Sunday poetry prompt every Sunday, almost every Sunday, for four years. I started it on a whim because I wanted to write a sexy poem. And I was feeling away about it. I was feeling shy about it. And I was feeling like, my gosh, what are people gonna think about?

This. And I was in a deep discovery of myself. This was right after, like two months after my kid's dad, my ex, moved out. And I was in this big discovery phase for myself. And I did that almost every week for four years. So sometimes I would have some sort of inspiration and I would write a poem and the prompt and whatnot.

Bonnie (07:41.228)
And have a picture to go with it in in some sort of fashion. And that like the week before. And then Sunday would come around and I'd be ready. And then sometimes Sunday would land and I thought, I'm gonna write a poem today. Nobody like eventually people I know are are used to this because I'm posting on social media and people are writing to these poetry prompts. And and I had amazing messages from people about the way that these poetry prompts

impacted these people and gave them a piece of themselves, revealed part of themselves, gave them freedom and permission in a way that they didn't know that they needed and didn't know was possible. So eventually I found that out. But I set this creative constraint for myself where I said, every Sunday I'm gonna do this.

And some Sundays would come around and I had to dig in and I was like, I'm gonna write a poem. What am I gonna write a poem about? And what am I gonna write this prompt about? And now I'm gonna share it in a way that feels authentic. And sometimes it would take me a long time. And sometimes I sit down and it's right there, ready to be birthed. But creativity loves constraints because I had, you know, it's gonna be something sexy, right? So this is gonna be about an interaction or this is gonna be about mighty discovery of self.

Of sensuality, of like and there could be spirituality, of course, tied to that and emotion, all of that. So it would be these sorts of things that I was writing on, and then the constraint of every Sunday, I'm going to do this. And so it it helped me actually create a body of work that would not exist otherwise. That's so fucking beautiful.

my pictures got more nude, my poems are pretty explicit. Like there was like a whole range and I have a different account that I occasionally post on that I did name Sexy Sunday Poetry Prompt that it's now my Instagram account is whatever Bonnie Wants. And I post whatever I want. So whenever I want and as a as a break from my my regular Instagram which is carrot underscore bull underscore Bonnie. So Carable Bonnie.

Bonnie (09:54.146)
Which I started because I thought it was gonna be a food blog, which of obviously I'm not a food blog. and creativity loves constraints, so that body of work would not exist. So with that in mind, you're gonna have to find some ways to to play with what is sustainable for you, what helps move you forward, but doesn't burn you out.

That helps you take action so you can actually build confidence that you're like, okay, I think I've got something. And then this is a good point to say, like, you know that you can actually love what you do and you don't have to fight it. Like, it can be easy for you and count as quote unquote work. And I think sometimes when I

I had I feel like I've had a lot of conversations with people where it feels like it should be a wrestle. If it's a work and you're trying to do something that it should feel hard. Did you know that it doesn't have to feel hard? And you can just be really good at it and you get lost in it. You you find that flow state where it's equal challenge to success because you're really fucking good at the thing. So you know how to do it. It's challenging, but you know how to do it.

And you get lost in that flow state where you're like, where it feels like it actually takes work, but you know how to do the damn thing. Like that gets to exist. It doesn't have to feel like a fight and like a wrestle to be worthy to be called work.

That is huge. Please let me know. Like, ping me somewhere if that lands for you. I would love to hear about it. Anything so far. Like, but let me know. Does that land for you? Send me a message on the gram. Email me. Something. Yeah? Because I think sometimes we choose something because it's hard. So it should feel like if it's going to be called work, then it should be difficult to do.

Bonnie (12:09.131)
And that is not to say, I'll even take myself for example. That is not to say that like I'm doing what I love to do. And there are parts of what I am doing that are kind of annoying sometimes. And sometimes it's not the thing that I necessarily want to do. And it I mean, it very much depends on on what you're doing, how you can structure your time or not, what your life situation is. There's like all different seasons and experiences that make something more or less difficult. And so there's there are

is gonna be a level of difficulty in in anything, always. And there's part of me that feels like that friction sometimes is important to help keep us moving. And you can love it and you can actually be good at it and it can feel easy. Not easy as in like

Like you can just throw it out. Easy as in, like, I know how to solve this problem. I'm actually good at it. And you can own that you're good at it. I fucking love when people own that they're good at it. Be like, you know what? I'm proud of myself because XYZ. I'm really good at XYZ. Please say that today to somebody. Say like, damn, I'm good at. I'm really proud of myself because I

I that is that that's my invitation for today. Wow. I just want to like drop it. I have some other things to say, but I like want to mic drop that and be like, send me a message. Sa tell say it on the gram, say it on social media somewhere, send it an email. Like, I wanna hear about what you said to who and how it felt.

That's what I want. Make my fucking day. Okay, so let's dive into just a couple more things. And let's let's make this a little bit more, even more specific with some stuff. I want to talk about if you're trying to figure out how to use your voice, what you want to bring to the world, and quote unquote, what's your elevator speech? What's your niche? Who are you serving? How are you doing it? What are you making in the world? And how do you choose the thing?

Bonnie (14:13.409)
When there can be like so many options, you're like, I'm interested in so many things, and and like I'm a multidimensional person. A hundred percent you are. You don't have to monetize every fucking thing, and definitely don't, and definitely have the things that just feed your soul. St go do things that keep you as a beginner somewhere that's super humbling and helps you in the thing that you're actually pr really proficient at. It helps remind you of what it's like to be a beginner. So that's important. But I just want you to know that.

It has taken me a long time to figure out what my quote unquote niche is and who I'm for and why I'm for them and how I can serve them. And so much of it is tied to with me self-trusting myself and figuring out who the fuck I am and not apologizing for myself. Not apologizing for for a billion things about myself.

And befriending the parts of me that I have some some feels about. And I think that really goes for every single one of us.

So if you are in the journey right now of owning your voice, of trying to connect to the inside parts of you where you're like, I know. And I I really identify it as if you're going to the base of your ribs, like right where they connect together, and inside that that part of your the middle of your chest, like right there, like almost underneath your heart, like kind of where your diaphragm is.

That's the part of me where I think like this is the center of me, where like who I am is coming from that and and and leading into every part of us. I can't physically touch that self in there. Like my fingers are on the outside. I can't like go in and touch that self. So it's more about a going in and listening and trying to continually figure out who that person is. And I I think it's important to to then think about how, you know, I woke up today and

Bonnie (16:16.747)
I have to figure out who I am again. And you woke up today and you have to figure out who you are again because we had things that happened yesterday to us and maybe last night. And we're continually evolving. You know, if you're a parent, you've watched your kids grow, and then all of a sudden you're like, How are you? Like my kid, my oldest. I'm like, How are you 20? How are you 20? I'm trading 43 in two months. And I'm like, okay, so a

Apparently we're getting older, but you can't see it quite the same as when you're an adult, as you can see it in children growing. You might notice it in your body in different ways, but like the inside of parts of you and how you're changing, but you are. And so in this journey of self-trust and of discovering your voice, it is a hundred percent going to be something that.

makes you that that is thrilling to you, that is exciting, that is like turns you the fuck on. And it's also the thing that's gonna feel like it's stripping you bare and leaving you on the kitchen floor in a a complete disaster.

There is nothing like going into yourself and facing parts of yourself and learning how to befriend and forgive and not apologize for yourself.

Bonnie (17:54.53)
When I was driving my youngest from lacrosse a couple years ago, and maybe you've heard this story, depending on how you've interacted with me before. I was driving him home and I was giving him a compliment of who he is and how he responds. And he can be quite teachable. And when he's in the mood, I'd say he's 15 now. I'm learning new parts of him too.

But he's really is an amazing human and and really brings it. He's such a leader. He is such a leader. He's really coachable. He wants to work really hard. And I was just giving him compliments. And I was like, you know, if you had to say who you are in two words, what would you say? And without any hesitation, he said, I'm intense and I'm intentional. And I was like, great.

I love this so much. I love it because the word intense has often a connotation to it that we want to shy away from. And have you ever felt that? Do you feel like you or somebody who's like, I'm too intense? What if? What if you owned that? What if you owned that? What if you didn't apologize for it? What if you befriended the parts of you that you felt like you needed to apologize for and were just like, yeah, that's who I am?

He's intense and he's intentional and he is absolutely intentional. That he is absolutely intense. He is both of those things. And I loved the claiming of self in that. And

I was talking with my girlfriend and we were talking about this and and I was I was trying to remember w what things that we had said with her and I'm I'm pretty sure that the the statements were that she would say are I am abrasive and I am spiritual.

Bonnie (20:02.889)
And I love those. I love that combination. And I really think it was abrasive. And and the way that or I don't I'm not even gonna go into it. I I love that. I love it so much. And you know, I've been thinking about it for myself. I'm like, what would I say? And especially thinking almost of a first word that feels like it's it's a sticky word where you're like, I don't want to be that.

Like I d no, I'm not that. Like that's the thing I don't want to be. And like that's the thing I'm trying not to be. What are you trying not to be? But you keep on being, it seems like, and you feel like you have to apologize for it. And you're trying to work around it. Are you too intense? Are you abrasive? And the thing I thought about for myself is that I have been called big in the past. And I remember I was dating this man and he

For a little bit and for a short time really. And I remember him saying, like, you're really big. He's like, not just that you're like a big like a tall woman, you know, like I'm five nine. He's like, you're you're like tall. And I remember him talking about how like it like my head was by his head, my feet was by his feet, you know, like he he wasn't super tall to me because I'm so tall. he's like, But when you leave the room, like when you leave my house, like I can feel how you've left the house and like you just

really big. And there is a part of me that that want to be like, well, what like, am I supposed to be so big? And where I I'm like, I don't, I'm not trying to like do a thing or or or be a certain way, but I can't help but be big. And there's an energy I walk in the room with that cannot be ignored. And sometimes that's fucking annoying. And I'm not trying to do a thing. I'm just trying to be there.

And so I can apologize for this and be like, okay. And like I and also what happens if I own that? Be like, I'm fucking big. I'm big. And I'm authentic. And maybe those are the words that I'm gonna hold for a moment and I'm gonna fill that out. But even before I start this podcast, I'm like, okay, if I had to pick two words right now that have a feeling to it to me, like what is that? Like, I I am big. I am big.

Bonnie (22:27.145)
And if I own that and own the impact that my voice has, own the actions that that I'm making and that will affect other people and let them know about that. If I step into myself and say, I'm fucking big and I'm walking in a way that's deeply connected to myself. If I'm and I'm gonna use that as a definition for authentic, I'm gonna walk in a way, I'm gonna be big and I'm gonna be authentic, meaning I'm gonna.

be deeply connected to myself. I'm gonna live from the inside out.

Bonnie (23:02.209)
That's gonna be authenticity to me.

Bonnie (23:07.905)
What happens when I walk in the world and own that rather than apologize for it?

Bonnie (23:17.855)
Lots. I think a lot. Because I'm gonna befriend that and just say, like, you know, this is actually part of my gift. And the things that you can say, like if you were to pause this right now and say, I am what? What's the thing that feels a little bit sticky? And what's a word that feels less sticky? Right?

And th I know that those are kind of wiggly definitions of words, but that's what I've got for you right now. And what happens if you step into that? Like literally stand up straighter. Take your shoulders down your back, lift the crown of your head up. Like you can feel it in your spine if you're like kind of folded over or you're kind of like shifted off to one leg or the next. Stand the fuck up. Stand up, lift your chest up, lift your eyes up. You know, I went and I bought a cowboy hat last summer and it's a straw, like a a

like a lightweight hat because I wanted to wear it when I'm paddleboarding when I'm going out and I'm trying to like not have as much sun on my face. And one of the ways like when I was at the sh the shop, like with the cowboy hat, you're supposed to wear, you know, it goes all the way down on your forehead and almost feels like you have to look up. So you're trying, you know, I was trying to shift the cowboy hat more back on my head. And the the man who was helping us, helping me, it was like, no, you're like you put your hat on, like all the way down. So you have to lift your chin up.

And I was like, oof, I love this because there's a boldness in it. One, like there's not very many ladies like walking around where I'm at with a cowboy hat. I a hundred percent wore that cowboy hat to the coffee shop. I was like, I'm wearing this cowboy hat. but you have to like walk tall in that. So not only do I have a hat on my head, I'm like walking with my chin up so I can see out from underneath my hat. That is how you walk with a cowboy hat on. I'm like, maybe we all need to get cowboy hats. Like you have to walk.

And stand the fuck up. And that can be tricky. So when we think about self and and living from this inside out sort of experience and how I am trying to lead and how the things like who I am affects the way that I show up and affects the way then that that you experience me and that I experience you when you stand in what you have to give.

Bonnie (25:36.472)
Gosh, we all are giving each other something here. And when we're more aware of it, I think it can actually be amplified and more impactful and find the people that need it and that want it. Because not everybody's gonna want what you have, and not everybody's gonna want what I have. And this comes to this makes me think about social media now. Okay, so I want to drop in here. I was thinking about Alex Hermozzi, who I really enjoy, him and his wife, Layla Hermosy, like really love them as business people and how they talk about things, like really like them.

And if we're thinking about showing up, I've listened to Alex Hermose talk about how he'll ask people, like, well, how many times are you posting on social media and they're talking about business? And then he says, I am across all channels. So that's probably, I mean, I'm guessing Twitter and LinkedIn and YouTube and TikTok and Instagram, like across all channels. He's like, I'm posting 250 times. Let's let that sink in. 250 times.

This is where I want to remind you that you can do whatever you want. On social media, think of it as a stage, but you don't have to share the stage. Now that might be terrifying because you're like, that's a stage. That's terrifying to be up on a stage. I hear you on that. but you're in the comfort of your own home. You're making your thing. You don't have to show your face to have it be a thing that you're sharing, right? It's very much dependent on like what what you're what you're making, what you're doing.

And how, what, where, why, all the things. But you can be on there as long as you want. And any of us get to choose to show up and watch the stage or not, but you get to share it. And the more that you get on your stage and you share it, because you can share 250 times a day. A day. And the cool part is that it's not taking away from anybody else.

And in fact, everybody else is on theirs. And you can be like, my gosh, I see you on your stage. Love, keep on. Yes. Right. And the cool part is, is the more that you're on that stage and you share things and you create and you show up on that stage. And you can apply this to a billion other places. So you use this as an analogy as much as you want. But the more that you're on that stage, you can blast things. You can be like, okay.

Bonnie (27:57.398)
I'm gonna share in this way. I'm gonna say this line in this way. What if I sit down and just watch? What if I do this? What if I right? So the more you're there, you're gonna find out what you're about, who you're for, how people respond to you, how you respond, what you even like. All of it. So if you're wondering, you're like, how do I engage? And we can look at the negative side of every every single thing. And honestly,

The first quote I ever remember writing down, I know I'm sure this somewhere on here, is from Pollyanna, where the there's a this movie called Pollyanna, and one of the quotes in it I liked because I was a young kid. This is totally like the era of Pollyanna. But it was talking about when you look for the good. And it was a quote, it's a famous quote. I don't remember who it's from right now. It's

probably somebody famous. I'm pretty sure it is. But it's when you look for the good in something, you're gonna find it. And when you look for the bad in something, you're gonna find it. Like it's truly like whatever you look for, you're gonna find. So what you're looking for. And we can look at everything in life almost and and find the find one thing or the other. This is I'm I'm such a big and person. It's like you okay, this is happening. Okay. And what about this?

And what about this? And sometimes I think that folks might think that I feel I'm being argumentative on purpose. I'm like, I'm just an and person. Like, okay, what's another view we can take on it? Okay, well, what about this? Like, and where when people are feeling really strongly about one path, I'm like, okay, and what about this? Like, I can see where that view is coming from and XYZ. So

If we're thinking about social media and about practicing with your voice, it can be a way that you enter that. And there can be ways that that is fearful, that fear comes up for you. There could be ways that like that feels uncomfortable. That could be ways that that's like I mean, you could go to Substack, you could go to like the there's so many there's so many platforms that you could play with and really just get to put in the reps.

Bonnie (30:15.511)
to take action so you can build confidence, so you can figure out what it is you want to do and how you want to do it, why you wanna do it, and who you want to open your space for.

Bonnie (30:31.553)
That is amazing. Two and fifty times. So if you're doing something, if you're posting across all social channels more than two and fifty times, like please let me know if you're doing that more. Like that's a lot to me. and it that's like full excuse to like do do it however much you want. You know? And I think as I work with people and they're figuring out what parts of themselves they want to.

create around and what and how they want to create. And if I am working so much with teachers or people within the wellness sphere that have particular things that they want to share or ways that they want to coach people or they're trying to figure out how to say what it is they want to say and how to own it and not apologize for it and apologize for themselves for caring so damn much. I think that's part of it is you care so damn much and it's something

It's like we're offering things that are often really impactful for our own lives. It's changed our lives. And so it feels like it has this big importance to it. And so we want to get it quote unquote right. But and if it's right, then we're gonna be confident in it, right? If it's perfect, it's gonna be we're gonna feel good about it, right? But that's not how it works.

That's not how it works because you're a hundred percent gonna get it wrong. And also the first times you do some s do some things, it's gonna suck. And if it doesn't, then walk into a little bit more. Because you're not supposed to be good at the beginning.

That's part of it. That's part of what like that's part of the magic of the beginning is because you're not good at it and you do it anyway. And then that action over and over and over produces a confidence. Confidence because you start to figure out who you are. You start to figure out how to trust yourself. You start to have the conversations with yourself and befriend the parts of yourself and say, I am big, I'm abrasive, I am intense, and also I'm authentic and I'm spiritual and I'm intentional.

Bonnie (32:44.545)
You get to own those parts and you sort of figure out what you want to give. What do you want to give others? And how other people respond to you and that exchange, because this is a community experience. And so if we're just speaking into the void, you know, I could just I could just record this podcast and never press publish on it. If I didn't press publish on this podcast, what wouldn't you have found?

AKA what have you found in this podcast because I published it.

Because it's posted, because you're listening to it. It's easy for me to not record a podcast. And I have recorded less podcasts this year than I have in other times. And so it's easy to not, it's often more work in a way, to create action. Because you have to give yourself some creative constraints. You have to propel yourself.

You're not always going to feel inspired to go do the thing. You like actually just have to go do the damn thing. And then as you do it, you get the confidence and you feel the effects of doing it. And you're like, wow, I am lit up. I've created something. Because if you're creating things, your creative energy is connected to your sexual energy, which is created to your life force. This is like, I am making something. I have worked here.

And I can feel it running through my body and I am turned on.

Bonnie (34:25.015)
We want to turn down life. And it can be really tricky. There's so much more we can dive into like each of these. You could respond and we could be like, okay, wait, but what about this specifically, Bonnie, for social media and for niching? And like we can get in deep. It took me a long time to figure out who I was for and why I was for them. And I would honestly say, like, I'm still figuring out how to say the words for that. So it's gonna take a minute for you.

And you do have something specific for people that could be really helpful. And you don't have to serve every single community of people that you can serve, that you could, that's possible. Like I feel that sometimes I laugh. I'm like, I guess I'm I I'm serving yoga teachers. That's who I'm for. That's who I'm for. Yoga teachers, leaders, people who are trying to get their voice out of them and to step out of the fear.

out of the fear so they can give what is inside of them to the world to be seen.

That's big. So as we do this, as we do this, and actually one other thing. We're I'm gonna I'm gonna jump into a little bit of human design combo. But I was talking to a teacher and they were telling me about a class that they taught, and they were like, I was thinking about how I do I could teach another class this next week. I have a class on Monday and Tuesday, but actually

I'm gonna do it again. I'm gonna teach that class again because I want to be better at it. I wanna do it better. And I am a big proponent of reteaching your class. I teach the same class for an entire month and teach it over and over because again, the first time is the worst. And I that class changes every time and I hone it. I figure out how to actually cue it and to say the words in a way that makes sense. I figure out the pacing of it, I restructure it as needed.

Bonnie (36:25.367)
But I'm teaching that same class. I'm going back to that same blueprint and I'm taking notes on it. I'm writing down my class so I can actually do it. So I can actually get better at it. This is where action produces confidence. I know what I'm doing. I know why I'm sequencing the whole damn thing. I know the thread through it. I know why I'm putting this portion and this portion in so that I can do this portion and it's all connected. It's so important to me. I'm looking for intelligence fuck sequencing where it all, it all flows together.

We can still be philosophical in this. We can still have deep analogy and storytelling. That's also important, but I also want the movement to be part of it. And so for this teacher who's like, I want to do this again because I want to be good at it. I want to do it well. I want to get better. Action produces confidence. Repeat the damn thing and find that creative constraint. Be like, I'm going to do it for this month. For a month, I'm going to teach this class. So I don't know what the creative constraint is for you.

It's very much like I I like to give a sequence starter, which is a flow prompt. It's a a way to start a flow. And I'm like, I want you to move from pose A to pose B directly. Pose A, pose B. Now put a pose C, D, E, F, G. As soon as you get to G, I want you to make G connect back to A, but you switch sides. There we go. Then there's all there's some other framework things that I do in that. But like then it's the sequence start.

Creative constraint. You have to have A and B in there, they have to be next to each other. You can do that everywhere in your life. It's so powerful. so one note here, thinking about human design, thinking about how the gift of like, I don't care what it is, some sort of self-study. meditation is a way that we can sit in, sit and and look in and be willing to see yourself. Meditation can help with that. because

All the time I'm challenging and talking to myself. I'm talking to myself, I'm challenging myself. Like, what is it that I am seeing or hearing or saying to myself? Learning to trust yourself in this process is huge. Like, what does that even mean? So I think it's that knowing that you're constantly changing, right? It's being willing to see yourself again, meditation, challenging yourself. It is befriending the parts of yourself. And also, I have really loved the tool of

Bonnie (38:44.905)
human design as a reflection piece, as an experiment, to be like, is this true? What's true about this? And one of the things for human design is you can look up your if you're not familiar familiar with human design, totally cool. You're I mean you can Google it and you can find a way to look that up for yourself. Okay.

I'm not a human design analysist, but I really like using human design and working with people and the people who I work with. I like to use human design as a reflection and a way to build some communication and to dive into how we self-trust, how we get seen, what the gifts are that we have to give the world. And one of mine though in human design is my everybody has a different motivation. There's

Six different motivations that people might have mixed with the rest of their things. And my motivation is fear. And y'all's that is really annoying. Fear though, because I and I like have this, I have a very strong relationship with fear and fear of things. And where I have to really and why I think that I've let fear be the driver. When I shouldn't have let fear that be the driver, it should have sat in the back seat. And the

The disruption that has caused to my life and others when I have done that. But fear is the drive to understand the unknown, to also understand risks and to seek clarity. So I could take fear as a total bad thing. And also, how do I use it? How do I befriend fear? And especially in

If I'm gonna be building my own business, if I'm gonna have kids, if I'm gonna have a relationship, if I'm gonna have like literally you could find fear in anything, right? And I can say, talk to myself and say, okay, Bonnie, is this fear talking? What part of you is talking right now? And can that, can you make that one sit down? Like you're sitting down now, right? So how do I use it then and say, okay, fear, you're in the backseat. You're helping me want to understand. You're helping me be observant, and you're helping me.

Bonnie (40:53.761)
Find clarity. Those are good things. That's a good reason to have fear. And to also because then it's keeping me like I I'm like, I want to feel like safe and secure in a way. And and I can use this as a tool. And so I think I saying this small piece as this self-discovery, being in a self-discovery path, and it will be confronting. And you will have to restore yourself in the process. I have restoried myself over and over and redefined myself and

and made new definitions of things that I didn't even ever consider that I would need to do. And it is so worth it. Every single part of it is so worth it.

Hmm. Actually I'm gonna pause there.

Action produces confidence, loves.

Action produces confidence. If you're trying to do something, how can you make a creative constraint that lights you up? That doesn't make you feel like you need to shame or force yourself into something. But you're like, ooh, that would be really fun if I. And then be aware. Like you might be lit up in this moment. Sit some of you might, that's all you need. Like you're like, yep, I'm ready to go. Some of you you might need to sit with it for a minute and say, like, okay, let me fill it out.

Bonnie (42:17.951)
Is this the right action? Great. And then make the decision. So we have different ways of making decisions. That's cool. Find creative constraints to help you take action that moves you forward, but doesn't burn you out. So you can build the confidence over time, right? 250 times we're posting a day. I'm joking. I'm not really doing that. But like, can you imagine? Maybe I will someday. You get to do the damn thing. You get to be good at it.

And it gets to be easy. And that can be quote unquote work. What you do matters, how you pay attention matters. And thank you so damn much for being here with me today. And honestly, ping me. Post something on the gram. Reshare something. Send me an email. Why did this matter? Right? Here I am taking action. I'm gonna

Get on this podcast and talk about some of these things that have flown around in my head. Why did it matter? And then how might it matter if you do the thing that you're slightly hesitant about? How how does it change if you stop apologizing for something you just get on and you just do it? You don't have to apologize that you've been XYZ different places. You're just like, I'm here. This is what I've got.

Yeah? Mm. Okay. Drop me a note. Share this with somebody who you feel like it would light them up today. It might be just the thing. Until next time.