276 - I Work With My Body and Not Against It

"I work with my body and not against it." I started saying this phrase while deep in the worst pain of my life. 

Today I share a personal experience with chronic pain, that has reshaped my understanding of wellness and the importance of listening to our bodies--a practice of paying attention that builds self-trust and helps to us to better find flow. 

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The music for this episode is Threads by The Light Meeting.
Produced by: Grey Tanner

Transcript

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (00:02.73)
I work with my body and not against it. Welcome to the podcast love. I'm going to start with singing to you. I'll work with my body and not against it. That's the theme of today's podcast. That's what our conversation is going to be about here. And I have found myself saying this multiple times in the past couple of weeks.

And I originally said it to myself about two years ago or just over two years ago. And I feel like I may have shared the story, but I'm gonna share it again. I was in intense back pain. And if you're in a back pain at the current moment, I feel for you, especially low back pain. was low back pain and my left SI joint.

And it is the worst pain I've ever had. And I've had childbirth without drugs, like without any numbing. And this felt worse. I think it felt worse because it didn't end. And because it really disrupted sleep. I was in so much pain. I was in so much pain. It has affected, that experience has affected so much about how I move in the world.

It has helped me redefine what I think wellness is. It has impacted the way that I create sequencing and the way that I teach yoga. It has influenced the way I show up as a leader and my take on integrity and honesty and leadership has touched everything. And I was on an airplane.

when I was flying to Ohio to teach workshops. I love teaching workshop weekends. I love going and being a part of other people's community and bringing what gifts I have to your community. And I was going to Ohio. I've been to Ohio four different times, four different studios over years. And I was meeting up with Serenity and her kettlebell.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (02:28.674)
facility where she comes from yoga and kettlebells and she's amazing. I was headed there and I thought I was gonna be golden. Like my back pain was gonna go away, it was gonna be fine, we were gonna do the thing, but it had not yet. And I had a four hour flight from Portland to Ohio and I thought I was gonna die.

It was seriously so painful to sit because I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sit. I couldn't bend over and tie my shoes sitting in the car getting in and out. The car was hard. I mean, nobody's having sex at that point in time. I mostly just wearing sweats because to put on pants and to lean down to like just couldn't move.

And this again, this is two years ago that this story is originating from. So I am not in that place right now, but I understand that place deeply and have really had the opportunity to look at what pain has taught me and have conversations with pain and mine in particular, and to have conversations with my body as.

as the tool that's teaching me about the non-physical parts of me too. Because we really are our physical body and all of the things that are not our physical body, we are our spiritual and emotional and relational and mental, erotic, witnessing self that's all the non-touchable parts of us.

the body is this conduit. it's a tool then for us to really learn how to inquire about more in ourselves and to use it that way. So there's a lot, there's a lot that I really have dove into and think about in regards to wellness and pain, back pain and wanting all these things. Thought aside, I was on the airplane, I was flying to Ohio. It's a four hour flight.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (04:49.838)
I sit down, I'm like, oh, I don't know how I'm do this. Trying to entertain myself. And then like towards the of the flight, I, oh friends, I, there was over an hour, I found a spot in my seat where I was like leaning forward just slightly. I'm like on the edge of my seat and I like bracing my body in a certain way and I just froze.

I was like, okay, I tried to find a spot that was tolerable. It's almost like if you move more, hurts more. And it was so incredibly painful. And I sat there for over an hour, like a frozen statue on a tree. And in my head, over and over, I was saying the phrase, I work with my body, not against it. I work with my body.

not against it. I work with my body not against it. And I said that to myself for over an hour.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (06:00.12)
You know, a couple of days later I got there and I was staying with a friend before I did the workshops and I was staying with a friend and I woke up in the middle of the night in pain and was taking a little walk about the room and totally had a moment where I thought about having to fly home. And the flight home was not as bad. I also got up in the middle of the flight and walked around in the back, like flight attendant area. So I stood up for a part of the time, which totally worked. And anyway, I...

But this one evening even, I thought about it in the middle of the night and totally had a panic attack thinking about, my gosh, I'm to have to fly back. It's going to be so bad. And then totally spiraled in and it was a whole moment. And I've never had panic attacks before I had that low back pain. And I've just had two during that time and it's scary. So for those of you who experienced panic attacks, I understand what that is now. So again, I am not in that space anymore.

But that phrase, I work with my body not against it, has been so impactful to find for that moment and then for other future moments since then. And in my own life, but also in the ways that I'm able to meet other people and listen to their stories and that it...

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (07:24.814)
Excuse me. love the way that that phrase has found its way into conversations that even aren't about the physical self, like the pain body self, right? And as an entrepreneur, as somebody who is in business, as somebody who is a leader,

as somebody who is a parent, it's important to think about this body, this physical self as something we work with, not against, and how we work with ourselves, not against ourselves, and how sometimes we fight ourselves so much, we resist the thing that's inside of us that's wanting to come out, this wanting to be birthed.

that wants to be said, that wants to be changed. We're ready for something else. We're ready to say no, we're ready to say yes, and we fight against it. Because if we lean into it, it requires us to face ourselves. It requires us to change. It requires us to be honest. It requires us to break things open.

and to really examine what our heart is telling us and the life that we want to create. And that's not a small thing. So this phrase has become to me, you know, it was found in this moment of intense back pain and that back pain then launched me into, especially after that trip, I said, okay, what is wellness Bonnie? And it really launched me in that experience of back pain has really launched me into this deep dive into what is wellness.

And who am I and what do I want? And what is my relationship to the yeses and nos in my life? And how do I show up? And now that phrase gets to be that and related to that, but it also is related to it's like to bigger ideas and bigger questions and bigger ways of being in the world where, where in my life am I fighting my body that already knows an answer?

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (09:46.914)
and I'm trying to brain my way into it, right? Or I'm trying to be like, is it really? Or the questioning, the way we get in our own way, because we think it's gonna be easier and sometimes it feels easier in the moment, but ultimately it's not easier because we need to be more honest. So really then is the experience of trusting our body, of not fighting against our body.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (10:18.968)
So maybe the invitation today is that you sit with this phrase, I work with my body, not against it. And there might be actual physical things that you're experiencing that sometimes we start to look at the ways that they limit us and say, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't tie my shoes, I can't climb in the car, like all this hurts.

You gotta switch it. You gotta look at the other parts. And I know it sounds kinda cheesy, but what can you do? Because if all your focus goes towards what you can't do, that is exactly what you will get. Like that's what you will focus on. So you have to switch it. What can you do? Also, especially if you have a back pain, go get yourself a trainer, go start lifting weights, go do deadlifts. Deadlifts save lives. I am such an advocate for weight training.

strength training, so go build yourself an ass, go get your legs strong, go get your back strong, your back body strength strong. That's a whole thing and I have classes for that in Studio B. There's more classes coming for that. That's such a whole ass thing. I mean, no pun intended, but it's a whole thing. So there's that if you are in a physical pain piece. But the other part of it is that

If you are trying to build a life where you're calling in something bigger than where you are, that you want something different and you know you have to do something different, but you're terrified, right? And maybe where are you holding back and where are you fighting your bodies? Yes. And is there a deep knowing in your gut of the way that you need to move and of the changes you need to make?

And there's a trickiness with that, right? Sometimes it's a timing. Is this the right time? Is this the right person? Is this the right situation? Is this the right, you know, there's some questions that you can maybe get prompted to respond to. And also then like, what's the feeling? And sometimes you need to wait for some reassurance. It's like, what is that feeling in you? And can you be honest about it? And where are you fighting your body?

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (12:39.32)
How can you work with your body, not against it? And that when we find flow, because in my teaching, right, and in yoga, and I'm really, I created flow school, like it's all about flow. What does flow mean? Flow is where we meet this intersection of success and challenge. It is where the world melts away and you're just you in that moment with the thing right in front of you. And it is bliss and beauty.

It doesn't mean it's not difficult sometimes, but you're like dropped in. You're dropped in. You're part of something that feels so much bigger than you and like transcends you, but it's also you. And in order to do that, in order to find that space, you have to create room to get out of your own way. You have to create the capacity to work with your body, not.

against it. And when you do, when you create that kind of space, it might break things open in ways that you are not expecting and cannot plan for, but is going to gift your life beauty and expansion that you cannot even imagine. It's going to be better. It's going to be better than you can even imagine.

And in this process of really trying to pay attention, this is the practice of paying attention in real time. This is what it means to live a life of paying attention, saying, okay, where am I? Where am I? Where do I want to be? How can I show up here and be really present? How can I trust myself? How can I trust the timing of things? And ultimately it's all about this trust. It's all about the self-inquiry. It's all about

you knowing you. And if anything, I guess you'll listen to this podcast. And you know, I had this whole moment last night where I was like, my gosh, people listen to my podcast and have for over five years. This podcast is five and a half years old. And I might not even know you. We might not have ever worked together. You might not have ever reached out and said hello, or I reached back and said hello.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (15:03.327)
and you listen and

like that feels really immense to me. Really humbling, really grateful, like all of these words. And that I truly am here in deep belief that if each of us shows up and trusts ourselves, and if we show up with each other knowing that we're trusting ourselves and we're gonna act in deep integrity and honesty and walk with each other in that way,

doesn't mean it's not gonna be painful. In fact, we might feel more pain because we're gonna be more awake to things. But there's gonna be more space to move actually. There's gonna be more freedom at the same time as there's more security and it's gonna provide that. And I don't know of a world that would feel better. know? One where we can show up like that.

Be like, you're doing it. You're doing it and want to celebrate each other and want to watch each other win like that. That's beautiful. It is the practice of paying attention in real time, in real life where you're showing up for your damn life and it's beautiful and it's messy. And then that's all glorious because it's all those things. I work with my body, not against it.

An important piece of this is that we have to slow down enough to be able to listen. Sometimes that's the part that's the hardest. And it does not mean that you can't be doing the things that you love and that you have to stop everything and be like absolutely still. that you just gotta pay attention. You gotta start asking questions. And sometimes the slowing down isn't necessarily your body slowing down, but it's how can you ask yourself questions? Can you

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (17:05.474)
be willing to pause your current mindset, your current conversation, your head to ask a question that kind of comes in sideways and says like, hey, are you sure? Or it's like the self in the self talking to you. like, I see you showing up like this. How was that feeling? Or when you see a mirror and you walk by and you're like, hi.

So it can be actual seated, slow it down, sit your ass down. Like absolutely. And it can also just be a mindfulness about the way you talk to yourself and invite yourself into inquiry into questions. And it can be also a question of what are you doing and do you need to do it? And does it really serve the moment and you and those people around you?

And is there another way? Like I am, I am big on, wait, is that the only way? Is there another way? And sometimes we get stuck in the patterns of this is the way it works. This is what I do. This is how this relationship is navigated. This is who I am in this situation. And it's like, are you? Is it? How else could this be? Because there's more than one way to be right.

and

You're more than one thing.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (18:41.942)
Sometimes we just have to give ourselves permission to be slow, to slow down just enough to ask a different question or to respond to a different question. Say, what is it that I want in this situation? What would actually create more flow, more ease, more presence in this moment? What would create more presence in this moment or in this day?

What would that be? And if you listen to your body, if you don't fight your body, right? If you work with your body, not against it, how can your body help teach you what it is that would create more flow for your life? Because it will help you. Sometimes we're not very good listening. Sometimes it takes us years to listen and we might not have the words yet. And then we'll get the words and be like, my body's been saying this.

There it is. There it is. I, I so deeply feel this because it is my lived experience. It is, it is my knowing of myself and the way that my body has said things and my fight against it.

or my embrace of it that has helped me build the life that I'm currently living and will continue to help me build the life that I am supposed to live. I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (20:13.14)
And I know that I will have to continue to inquire and pay attention and that there will be times when I miss the cue and I'm like, right. Thanks, bud. You were here with me. You were the tool I needed. was not, was, I was trying to not see it. I was fighting. Right? And we wrestle. We're like, or yes. When really we just need to open palm ourselves and be like,

Fine, I'm gonna lay here, I'm gonna be in this and it's like a full surrender of the moment. Sometimes I just wrestle to hold on and to hold tight when really.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (20:56.11)
Sometimes it's not that. Sometimes that drops you. Sometimes that leaves you crying on the kitchen floor for hours.

or as it breaks you open in ways that you could not have expected because if you are honest with yourself, sometimes your life change is really big. But what if it's better than you can even imagine? Because I really believe it can be.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (21:28.782)
So I work with my body not against it.

If this is sparking anything for you, I encourage you to take a minute after listening to this podcast, pull out your notes app, pull out a journal, pull out a word doc, whatever it is and say, write that phrase, I work with my body, not against it. And then maybe say something about like, my body has been telling me dot dot dot.

What has your body been telling you? And there's a lot of different parts of our body. So like, let that flow wherever it's gonna flow. Maybe use this as a prompt of your own inquiry, of your own paying attention to your own freaking life. Right? This is it. This is the life we have. So what is it? What do you need to pay attention to? What's your body been telling you? How do you work with your body, not against it? So try that out. And I would love to hear from you. Let me know what you find. You can tag me on Instagram.

share it in your stories, put it in a post, send me an email. I am here for all of it. I'm working in this very exact same way. This is how my practice of paying attention definitely shows up in my own life on the daily. So we are doing this right next to each other. I'm sending you big love.