270 - Mirror Work: Seeing and Meeting Yourself

Today I'm sharing about a practice I've had for years that you might find kinda cringe and that's been hugely impactful in my life: mirror work. 

Literally looking at and seeing myself in the mirror has helped me to see and meet more of my whole self. I've used mirror work practices to connect more deeply to my emotions, to cultivate self-confidence and body celebration, and to find and own more of my voice. 

Join me to hear more and if--no, when--you try mirror work for yourself, I'd love to hear from you! Message me on the gram or email hello@bonnieweeks.com.

Weekly stories by email from Bonnie’s HERE

Connect with Bonnie: Instagram, Email (hello@bonnieweeks.com), Website
Listen to Bonnie's other podcast Sexy Sunday HERE

The music for this episode is Threads by The Light Meeting.
Produced by: Grey Tanner

Transcript

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (00:01.036)
Welcome to the podcast, my love. It is a delight to be here with you because today I am going to give you one of the practices that has been hugely impactful over years, truly years for me. And I think that you and I here are interested in continuing to observe ourselves, to pay attention to how we show up in the world, who we are, who we want to be.

how we can lead and what's on the inside so we can really truly live from the inside out. So regardless of who you are and where you're at in the world, the practice I'm going to give you today might sound kind of cringy. It might sound weird. And I've believed a lot of different things and I've thought a lot of different things in my life and

I can only give you what I have. Yeah. And I try to really hold space for imagination, for things that I don't understand and don't know, and for a bit of wildness too. Now this practice is nothing super crazy, but it might be kind of tricky. The practice I'm to give you today,

as large-scale like fastest shortest sort of way I can tell you is today I'm going to talk about mirror work. Now this can mean a shit ton of things. This can mean so many different things but I want to start with a story.

It is March as I am recording this and I'm coming out of winter and we're about to enter spring and it has been a it's been a winter of of depth for me and of grief and of transition and a lot of inner processing and in the month of January you know I got to

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (02:15.406)
towards the end of the month of January. And I had a massage with one of my dear friends, go look up body ritual. If you're in the Portland area, look up body ritual, go get a massage with Alyssa. She's incredible. And I was getting a massage and she started, she stuck her foot, cause she does all the things, feet and hands and cups and like all of the things. So she had stuck her foot.

on the back of my shoulder blade, my right shoulder blade. And afterwards I was talking to her, cause in that moment I was like, what the, why does that hurt so bad? But my right shoulder has been hurting, but on the front and down my arm, I wasn't even paying attention to my shoulder blade on the back of my body. And she told me, she's like, you know, I thought that might be a thing for you. She's like, there's a tradition in some of the training that I have received that women in particular, kind of the thing that's passed down amongst.

women who are training is that the women in particular who are processing anger and feeling anger, that that backside of their shoulder blade will be talking to them. will be painful that that might be an experience. And so she...

Kind of shared that with me and I was in the month of January feeling really heavy.

and sad and stuck and frustrated and emotional, all these things. But I hadn't thought about anger and her prompt in that massage made me think about anger. Now to bring another aspect to this, I love human design. I've really, really started to just lean into it more. It's been so helpful in clarifying in my own journey.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (04:21.39)
and given me words from my experience, given me tools to navigate with other human beings, given me confidence and helped unshame me. And those are some big overarching things, but it's, you know, helpful to have guidance while looking up your human design, unless you go real nerdy, Google all the things, right?

One of the things about my particular human design, I am a manifestor. Now you do not have to know human design language at all to be part of this conversation. I'm a manifestor. If you want to look that up, you're welcome to. A manifestor, when they are not in their design, in their flow, like moving in a way that life is like, okay, let's move with you. Let's like create change and impact and...

emotion in the world and bring to birth whatever the hell you want to bring to birth, right? When it's not that, then the experience for manifestors is anger. And when I first learned about that, I kind of rejected it. was like, that's not me. But over the years of having human design be part of my life, when my massage therapist lists, when she told me about anger,

I was in this month of January where I was feeling so deeply buried.

And right now in the world, there's a lot of anger. And you do not have to be a manifester to experience anger. Let's be very clear. But I think that there's a lot of us having these stuck sort of energies, having these emotions that are making us feel small and frozen. And how the hell do we work with them? How do we build off of them? How do we let them be a tool rather than a thing that drowns us?

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (06:23.694)
So this is where mirror work comes in. When she gave me this idea that like, maybe this is anger, I realized in that moment that I hadn't talked to my anger. And I was so in like grief and sadness and like, what's up? And in that, that I didn't talk to my anger. I was like, you know what? I'm gonna create a space for me. I'm gonna create a space for me to connect with me and we'll see what's here. So I have a home gym.

and I was turned on some music, turned it up real loud. I was like, I'm gonna work out and I'm gonna use the mirror. And I...

did not know what was going to happen.

I didn't know what was going to come. I didn't know what I'd find. I didn't know what I'd say, but y'all.

I talked to my anger and I think it's so important. Like how do we befriend the parts of us? How do we befriend the emotions in us so they actually can teach us and guide us and be tools for our self awareness, for our becoming. This is what we want. And I let myself get so angry. I yelled, I yelled and I like just like loud and grunting and

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (07:53.142)
I looked at myself in the eye. So mirror work to me is when I look at myself, it is eyes to eyes. It is me to me. Nobody else exists out of that space. It is me and me. And I talked to my anger and I said all different sorts of things and I yelled and I talked, but I talked to myself in that. it's like, I tapped into my anger. Like, what are you, what are you mad about? What are you angry about?

And then I opened my mouth and let myself say the things and y'all, you got to say the words. You have to say the words. You have to get them out of your body. So not stuck in you so you can free yourself. So I said the words and I said them to me. So I am watching myself in the mirror and I have never seen myself so angry. I have never seen myself angry like that. And it was me with me. Like

was like angry at myself in part of that angry situation, anger. Like it was like, it was whatever it was gonna be, right? That's not important for this conversation. And that nobody else has ever seen me that angry. And I let myself talk to myself. Now, this is a story that I feel like I will continue to share because this particular moment felt life-changing, truly for me to say, you know what?

I haven't actually talked to my anger. I haven't talked to that part of myself that maybe the stuck feeling that I feel, there's something there in this, especially knowing that as a manifestor, anger is that feeling, that stuckness. So I'm gonna talk to it. Now I could do this for any emotion, but in that moment I was changed because then I found clarity. I talked enough, I yelled enough, I raged and cried. Oh, I cried enough. And you know what, there was a moment.

There's a moment that I yelled and I was like, other people's moms die.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (09:54.382)
I didn't know that was going to come out and it dropped me to my knees and then I cried. And then I got gritty and I was like, oh, and I stood back up and I, and I went on the other tangents that I went on, but like, yeah, my mom died like six months ago. Like that sucks too. So all of these could be layers, but really it's about using the mirror. Now this is one example. I have other stories where I will be in my bathroom.

getting ready and I get real close sometimes to the mirror and I just look at myself. And then there's a conversation that ensues and maybe it's something comforting that I need. Maybe it's an acknowledgement that I can give myself and something that I can teach myself, remind myself of, give myself permission for.

I've caught my gaze in the mirror as I have been in a space. I remember once I was reacting in a way and I walked by a mirror and I looked in the mirror and I talked to myself, was like, so Bonnie, like this is how you could respond to this. This is a way and you can stay in this kind of place.

You can stay feeling this way. You can stay responding how you're responding if you want, but how does that feel? Is that what you want? And this is how I'm talking to myself. I'm looking myself in the eyes and I'm calling myself by my name. Bonnie, is that what you want? Or do you want to do it different? Is this how you want to feel or do you want to choose to respond in a different way? And so then I gave myself the invitation to respond differently. So then I'm there, right?

Mirror work is that mirror work is looking at yourself. Sometimes I will walk by a mirror. Sometimes it's very intentional to go to the mirror. Like the anger, anger moment was like very intentional. Sometimes it's less intentional, but I love mirrors around because it is an opportunity to have a conversation with myself. And sometimes that conversation has no words. Sometimes it is a hand to heart and tears streaming down my eyes or right down my face from my eyes, right? That, that I'm like, we're here. Like we're in here.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (12:17.762)
We're in here. We're not just like busy doing all of the things and all of the ways, but like I'm a real person in here and I see you, Bonnie. I see you.

Mirror work also looks like dancing. Mirror work is watching myself in the mirror. And if you have a hard time looking at yourself in the mirror, I you to watch your hips. If you wanna move, like this is in particular, if you wanna move in the mirror, I want you to look yourself in the mirror, get some music on, and I want you to watch your hips. You don't have to watch your eyes, you don't have to watch your face. I want you to watch yourself move with your hips. Maybe it's dark outside and you have a reflection even in a glass window and you can just see it.

yourself in the window and to watch yourself dance. Dancing is so fucking important. My low back pain and SI joint pain, like the importance of moving your hips. And I'm like, everybody dance. I already have said that so many different times in yoga, like our mobility of our spine and of our hips is important. Not just mobility, but like the strength, like mobility is strength in motion. Right? So we need strong hips, we need strong back, we need strong ass and we have to move it.

and watch yourself move in the mirror.

It can be hard. The mirror can be hard. You have to befriend yourself in there. If you're going to show up anywhere and be a leader, you're going to be seen. And I truly feel like my work that I do and the phrase, you know, I'm here to help yoga teachers own the hell out of their voice and really help everybody own the hell out of their voice. It's all about being seen. You got to own the hell of your voice. What does that mean? You got to be willing to see yourself.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (14:04.824)
You got to own what you see. You got to stand up in front of people and be like this. This is what you see because you're going to be seen and because you see others and you want to see others as a leader, as a human. Like that is how we connect. We see each other.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (14:25.046)
And that is with eyes, that is with energy, is with words, that is with acknowledgement, that is in play and work.

This is how we create together. We see each other. And it deeply comes from us being willing to see ourselves and like, let it be fun and not just work. You know, I had a friend a long time ago who told me this story about her and her daughters. And she realized that she was looking in the mirror and saying things about her body. And then she's like, wait, my daughters are here. What do I, is that what I want them to think about their bodies? So they started to have,

Like before they would jump in the shower, because these little girls were like very, little. And she would just take them into her shower and they would have this naked dance party. And they would all be looking in the mirror and be like, I love my body. Look how strong my body is. And she had like this little thing that she did with them, which they danced and their bodies jiggled. I made it normal to have a body and to celebrate it.

Y'all, I am so into celebrating our bodies because they are the thing that allows us to have the emotional experience that we desire to feel love, to connect deeply.

You know, I standing out next to my house where...

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (15:54.222)
My sweet dog, little dog died a year ago and when she died, we lifted her body and I was thinking just this morning about the feeling of her body limp.

and her spirit gone and what that felt like and how it was so different than before.

and how this body really, we are so lucky to get it. We are so lucky to get this body. We're so lucky we get to celebrate it because it gives us the opportunity to even be here and listen to each other, to house these great spirits of creativity and love, this wildness inside of us.

that wants to be free and free others.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (16:51.736)
So I don't know what your relationship is with the mirror, but I know for me, mirror work, where I find my eyes in the mirror, just find your eyes, find your eyes in the mirror and block out everything else in the world and say hi and call yourself by your first name. Hi, Bonnie, right? You're not gonna say Bonnie, but you're gonna talk to yourself and you're gonna show up there and you're gonna let whatever comes out of your mouth come out of your mouth and you're gonna listen to it.

and try to make it be a moment that expands you. You get to choose the words, you get to choose the story you tell to yourself about yourself. What story is that? And how do you wanna re-story yourself if it's not generous enough? If it's not lifting you up and opening you up and turning you on.

helping you be aware of this inner magic that you have in you, that. Tap in there. So fucking powerful.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (17:59.146)
is all about owning your voice, owning who you are and seeing yourself.

And it is a forever practice because we will ride the waves of emotion. We will have different experiences that ignite different feelings and, and ideas and desires in us. And we're going to be continually learning. So this isn't a one and done. This is an unfolding and an uncurling. And you could be more than one thing.

If you try this, let's rephrase that. When you try this, when you catch your gaze in the mirror, and this is like my voice is in your head a little bit to be like, mirror, where's the mirror? Where am I? In the mirror, find yourself. Where you find yourself in the mirror and you have this moment where you talk to yourself, I would adore hearing about it. And also it's a deeply personal thing. Sometimes it feels like a holy thing.

The self connection connection to self, right?

And so I understand if that is not something you share. But if you feel called, I would love to hear. You can find me on the gram, cariboubonnie, or email me hello at bonnieweeks and let me know.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (19:27.522)
We're here, we're in here, and so we're celebrating.

I'm sending you big love.