269 - Be Loud Enough That They Can Find You

I know I'm doing something right when I hear from people that they don't like something I'm doing. It means I'm being big enough and loud enough. 

Big enough and loud enough that the ones who are for me can find me, and that the ones aren't, can fall away or find someone else to learn from. This can feel hard and vulnerable and it's also a way can all win. 

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The music for this episode is Threads by The Light Meeting.
Produced by: Grey Tanner

Transcript

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (00:00.654)
Hello lovelies. Such a delight to be with you here today. And I wanna bring you a conversation that I've been having with a lot of people that I am mentoring. And the folks that I am mentoring are yoga teachers and some of them are studio owners and most of them are trying to define who they are working with.

specific in the yoga community, what they want to bring. if it's not, they might also, I mean, let's be real, like yoga encompasses a lot of different things. So whether they're people who are doing breath work or people who are doing coaching where yoga is included in that coaching, there's a lot of wiggle room in what that can mean a little bit. But some of the conversations that I've been having, I feel really valuable.

to bring here to the podcast. So maybe you're not working with me as your mentor, but we can still have this kind of sharing space where you get a little piece of what I am giving to these other people. And maybe it will light something up inside for you. And one of the common things that I talk about with people right now is

around a fear of naming who you are for. And that part of that feels connected to the vulnerability of your own story. And where if you share your story of how you got to where you are and what that's given you and who you've become in that process and

who you were before and maybe the decisions that you have made to get to this place today in your capacity to serve. Sometimes those stories feel really vulnerable. Sometimes those stories and experiences won't land with everybody that is around you and they might think something about that. They might think that

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (02:21.806)
It's good or bad, but we know that the words good and bad are subjective. We know that what I think is good might be something you don't think is good, right? So that's what subjective means.

that when we claim who we are for, based on where we have been and what we have to give, because we can only give what we have, that we are sharing a part of ourselves. And there can be a lot of fear attached to this of who am I and why would they listen to me and do I know enough and what if I fail? What if I get it right? What if it's not perfect enough, you know?

We can layer a whole lot of stories on here. And sometimes the people that we have to serve are kind of younger versions of ourselves, and not even by age, Versions of ourselves. And that means that us revealing maybe those tender places in us and

that helped us kind of take this road, take this path to get here, those things might be tricky to share. And an example of that is talking about sobriety. Sobriety is not something that I didn't start trying any alcohol or recreational kind of drug experiences until the past several years. As I grew up in a culture where that wasn't

wasn't encouraged. So I was the good girl, y'all. was kind of. Let's be real. That was just a kind of. In that respect, I followed the rules in that, but there was other rules I did not follow. But I do have friends who have whole journey of embracing sobriety and being sober.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (04:26.286)
For me, I mostly enjoy being sober. Like for the most part, I am like, I don't use things. I will have half-caf caffeine, even in my coffee now. Like I just feel highly affected because of my lack of usage of a lot of things. So sobriety isn't something that I struggle with in regards to use of alcohol or additional substances. And...

I have friends who that is very close to their heart and their experience and part of what has made them into the person they are because they consciously set down, especially alcohol. And that that experience has shaped them into the person they are, has given them space to be able to serve others in the way they now serve people. And that in sharing that they are sober,

There are some people that are like, hell yes, me too, or stoked for you, even if it doesn't for me, like good, good on you. And other people are going to be judgy of that and be like, why are you telling me to be sober? And you're like, I'm not, I'm just saying like I am. Or the culture that maybe you're around, the friends you're around, there is perhaps a lot of gatherings around, around usage.

And so you kind of have to figure out how to hold yourself in that and that might be kind of tricky. So having people in my life that I know that some of that's easier to do and for some people that's harder to do. Now, if one of these people wanted to offer something for people and sobriety was a big part of their story and something that they have

to give than their own sobriety and their own sobriety journey. And that might be easier for some and more difficult for others. Anything, there's a community for anything and everything, truly. You want a Rubik's Cube community? You can go find it. You want a plant community? You can go find it. You want a shoe community?

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (06:44.41)
You can go find it. You want a community that nerds out on the nerves and knees? You can find it. You can find any community. So if you want a community and you want to serve others who are looking to be more sober, you're going to find it. If you're looking for a community of people who are like anti-sobriety and feel like everything's being shoved down your throat, that you should be sober, you're going to find it. What you look for, you will find. And so a lot of you owning your voice

and your story and how your experience can help other people is gonna be about you owning it. And the vulnerability maybe of sharing these pieces of yourself of how you got to where you are, are gonna be part of the story and part of what you have to give. Now you're also in charge of what you have to share, right? So nobody that I'm working with is currently in.

you know, using sobriety as something they are offering, but I've worked with lots of people before who that is the case. So that's just a good example. And for those people that I'm working with, some of the conversations and in mentorship and then other random conversations with friends, one of the things that I share very commonly is that I feel like I am winning, that I'm doing it right, that I...

and being loud enough when I hear other people, when I receive messages from people in the online space and email or in, well, mostly on Instagram or even in my personal life, when I am receiving messages that people don't like what I'm doing, then I know that I am being loud enough and that I am being bold enough in my own story, my own beliefs and in who I am here.

to help because I'm revealing parts of myself or like showing up in a way and saying the things that is rubbing some people in a way that they don't like and they are willing to say something about it. This is just data y'all. And being able to receive the feedback that somebody else doesn't like what you're doing, that is gonna be part of the process. So if you are somebody that's looking to build something, you're looking to create an impact where you're really taking care of others and helping them.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (09:07.978)
live their life to the most free and peaceful and satisfying capacity that they can where they are rippling out their own gifts on the people around them.

That's what it's about. And because I am loud enough that people know that they are for me or not for me, then we all win. If people can have that amount of clarity to know that, Bonnie could help me, or this person is not for me, I do not like this, this is pushing all these.

buttons and I'm feeling all different sorts of way because of how she's showing up, what she's doing, what she's saying, X, Y, Z, whatever stories they layer on me, that's not mine. And I think that's, it's tricky sometimes, especially if you're new to stepping into like a business and an online space of saying, what's mine and what's theirs? What's mine and what's theirs? And you might be able to feel

their feels about things but it's not yours and they're gonna have to face parts of the interactions with you in the room.

So the thing that I'm sharing with others is that I feel like I am in a good spot when I am getting feedback from people that are a no for me. Because if I am being loud enough and bold and audacious enough in what I'm doing, why I'm doing it and who it's for, that some people are saying no, that means I'm being loud enough, bold enough, audacious enough for people to say yes.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (10:55.416)
So when I declare who I'm helping and how I'm helping them and get specific in that and be willing to show up as myself, or you can tell if somebody is an authentic self, you can feel it in them. Like our bodies resonate, we're like, that's like, this is a place I can drop in. Now that doesn't mean that person, like again, like maybe you're like, okay, this isn't the person for me, or maybe it is the person for you, right? There's gonna be.

wiggle room, but also if it resonates, you're like, this is real. Like who I'm showing up here, if I was talking to you, I would be saying the same words if we were in person. That we are looking for authentic and real connection. And that's such an important value to me that I show up as myself and that the people who for me will be for me.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (11:53.61)
And an important part of this is truly declaring who you are for and envisioning them. And so even as I'm talking now, I have different people in my mind who I'm like, this is exactly for this person. And these people in my head of like, I'm saying this for so-and-so. So it's like I'm talking to you, like specifically.

And I'm like, yes, you can do it. Like say the thing, own your fucking voice, own your story, own the thing that you have to gift the world. And it's not about, and you have to like get out of the way. There's like the, it's easy to show up, but it's also not easy because you have to get out of your own way of your head and your heart to be all worried about what it is you're doing and how you're doing it and is it worth it? And say, I am not in service of anybody if...

I'm in my own way here. And that we can be really fearful of ostracizing others and saying like, but I want to help everybody. But when you decide that you want to help everybody, nobody gets helped. It's too broadly spread, right? It doesn't serve enough people. So pulling it in and saying, who am I here to help? And why am I here?

to help them.

That is such an important practice. And I know in my own story that when I got clear on saying I help yoga teachers own the hell out of their voice, now there's a lot of nuance in that. But when I got clear on that for me, then it changed the way that I showed up. I know who I'm talking to and I have some pretty solid whys behind why that's important to me and how I wanna go about doing that and the how it continues to evolve.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (13:52.098)
But when I got clear on that, things shifted. Things shifted for me and things shifted for other people because if people know who I'm for, people can more easily find me. I'm gonna show up for just the people who are here with me now. There's people here and how do I best serve them? How do I best serve them? And by speaking very directly, one of the beautiful things is there's a lot of crossover. So I'm speaking to yoga teachers to own their voice.

own their voice. There's probably lessons in what I have to say that other people in other professions will take away. And that's super cool. And when they know a yoga teacher who has a particular struggle with their voice, with their sequencing, like owning their leadership and their impact in the room, they'll be like, I know who you can, I know you can go to. And so it becomes easier for people to say this person go here. Now, do I think I'm the best? No.

Do I think I'm the worst? No, I'm me. And we kind of think that we have to be like this amazing person and figure everything out and like know all the answers, but perfect is boring. We're to show up with ourselves and our story and our take and that's going to be perfect. It's going to be great. And we're going to keep learning as we lead. So this is a quickie, but I just really wanted to drop in and say,

Be more specific about who you help, why you want to help them, how it's impactful, and be loud enough in what you are doing and who you are helping so that people will know if they are for you or not for you. That helps both you and them because the people who aren't for you, listen to this, the people who aren't for you, they're for somebody else.

You don't have to do it all. It is freeing to know that you're not responsible to show up with everybody. There's somebody else that they have to learn from. And if you are loud enough that they know that you're not the person, there's enough space for them to go find the person that is the person for them.

Bonnie Weeks (she/her) (16:10.978)
Get out of their way. Be bold enough that then they can find the person who is the person they're supposed to learn from that's not you. We do this together. We need each other. We need the different voices because we're gonna learn different things for each other. So you being audacious enough, it's not about not scaring other people away. It's about attracting the right people to you and then letting the people who know that aren't for you that there's another place for them to go. Like what a gift.

What a gift to be so clear, as Bernie Brown says, clear is kind. What a gift to be so clear that others know if this is the landing spot for them or not. I love that. There's like an abundance to that. There's like an openness, an open field of play in that. Okay, go be audacious, friends. Go light up the world. We need your gifts.