244 - Don't Curb Your Joy

Today I tell about something spontaneous I did this week, where I embraced joy and playfulness. That was about saying yes to myself. 

This is an invitation to observe where you might be worrying too much what others think and curbing joy in your life, and where you may want to give yourself permission to say yes and do the things that feel like play. 

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The music for this episode is Threads by The Light Meeting.
Produced by: Grey Tanner

Transcript

Bonnie (00:01.934)
Y 'all, we need to talk.

Welcome to the podcast and thank you for being here. And also let's talk because I was reminded again this week, I was reminded again about how often we curb our joy. I was reminded how often we curb our joy. So here's what happened. I was taking a morning walk. I...

often go walking in the morning, even as I'm recording this, I'm recording this in the morning. I've already walked probably like for 45 minutes. Just go out by myself, listen to a meditation often from like most often from Sarah Blondin on Insight Timer. Just shout out for Sarah Blondin on Insight Timer. Go do yourself a favor. I listened to her and I was walking and listening to a meditation and I had my backpack on. So I was carrying my computer. I was like, I'm going to go to the coffee shop.

and I'm gonna go work. And this was a couple days ago. And so I'm walking and right next to me is a large turf soccer field. And I looked over at it, nobody was on there this morning, you know, the...

the tennis courts were full and the pickleball courts are full, but the field is empty and it's quite a large turf field and I walked past it a bit and this is a field that I have played on before. You know, bring a frisbee, set up a yoga mat, like all the things, do some, run some lines, but I had my backpack and I had my jeans on and I was walking to the coffee shop.

Bonnie (01:52.27)
And I passed the field a little bit and then I stopped. Like I stopped in my feet, right? To just, when you stop, not like, in our heads we can say a lot of different things, but I stopped in my feet. I didn't walk again for a minute, so I physically, and I looked at the field and I said, okay, I'm gonna go over there. And that physical stop,

plus like this, you know, mental moment where the stories that could be in my head were, well, that's gonna be weird. If I'm like the weird person over there, I'm listening to music, the music has a whole vibe and I just wanna go out on that field and I wanna flow. It's like, well, I'm gonna be the weird person that people are definitely going to see. Like there's people out and about, there's some people running big circles around this field and...

I have jeans on, but you know, like it's okay. Like I'm going to embrace the swass. It was, it was a warm morning already at summertime here and swass, which means sweaty plus ass, right? Swass. So I was like, well, people are going to see me. Okay. Yeah, they are. Okay. I'm going to be the weird one. I'm going to be doing weird things. And I'm like, well, you know what? What? So what?

So I went over to the field and I sat down my bag and I did not set up my phone to record myself. I just started moving and I started.

I started flowing on the field and I started dancing on the field and I was in the middle of, there's two big fields, like the whole field, right, but it's divided into two soccer fields. And I was in the middle of one of them. And I just was letting myself move and letting myself be the weird one and saying yes instead of no when I'm questioned if it was socially acceptable.

Bonnie (03:59.758)
And I think we need to talk about this because I think we curb our joy for fear of looking weird or disrupting what the norm might be around us or because of the way that other people might have thoughts or feelings about us that we have no control over. We have no control over anyone else and how they will perceive us. And even if

We act in this case in the most normal as possible. People will still see us and have thoughts or feelings about us. So it kind of doesn't matter. They're already gonna have thoughts or feelings about us, right? So why do we curb our joy, right? And I think that there's part of this that makes me think about belonging and shame and the stories that we might hold in being visible.

Vulnerability is visibility. And so if we are more visible, then we are more vulnerable perhaps in that people can see us and say something about us. And we have to own that. We have to own the hell out of that. Because in that moment, it's just you in that field. It was just me and that field. And I had my earphones in, so I had some music on and I was just moving and it felt so good.

And after a little bit, I set up my phone, this just leaned against my backpack and then I filmed myself. I was like, you know what? I'll film some of this. I'll share this on the gram. So I put it posted on Instagram. And then the comments that so many people responded with were that it was like the yes, like this is what I need in my life. This is what we need is to do the things. We're not curbing our joy where we're saying yes, where we might be afraid to show up or might be afraid to be that big.

or like that bold. And really, I just think about the yeses and the nos we give ourselves and how nos are not celebrated, right? And how, I mean, sometimes they are, sometimes they are, but when we say no, especially after we have said yes to something, that's not always very celebrated. And the space that a no creates is giant for our personal growth, for...

Bonnie (06:22.862)
for all the different types of growth, actually I want it in my personal, just like all different types of growth come when there is a no because there is space made. And a yes, especially in regards to yourself and into saying what do I want and what do I need and having those two questions be in like the front of your heart to say in a moment, I kind of want to go out there.

and flow in the middle of that field and then have the thought, right? The habitual maybe thought where we're programmed to be part of society. We wanna belong, we are a social species. So it's like, well, but what are people gonna think of me? And like, what if I look weird and what if I mess up? And what if like, I don't know, what if I become a meme?

This again makes me think of Africa Brooke and her book, The Third Perspective that I'm currently reading where, you know, talking about, well, what happens if you live life like you've already been canceled? Maybe that's the life to live. And so I think specifically, I want to highlight the yes that you can give yourself. The yes that you can give, not,

in regards to signing up for another thing or taking on another task or doing something for somebody else. But a yes for you for saying, I kind of want to do that. And it would bring me a lot of joy. And I think we have a lot of these moments throughout the day. Yesterday, when I was walking along the sidewalk, I was headed to go meet some friend up for lunch and I looked across the street and there's a big giant tree and there was a heavy rope.

attached to one of the limbs. And I was on the opposite sidewalk and I looked over there, I was like, that's what I'm gonna do now. I was all by myself and I just walked over the street. I am grinning. I have like big ass smile and it's kind of a short rope. Like you have to reach up high. And so I was like, you know, I'm just gonna swing from the curb to the sidewalk. It's a very small amount. I just reached up and I swung myself from the curb to the sidewalk.

Bonnie (08:45.71)
And I went on my way and I was like, that was amazing.

And I certainly did not have to touch that rope. I certainly could have stayed on the opposite side of the sidewalk and kept walking. I could have not crossed the street and I could have crossed the street and not touched that rope, but I did. I touched the rope, touched the rope. Makes me think of Nemo, like touch the boat. Right, so like I touched the rope. I swung myself from the curb to the sidewalk and I did not curb my joy. There's a lot of curbs today. I did not curb my joy.

And I thought, what do I want? What do I need? And what are those things that we wanna do that...

like are really actually harmless? Like nobody cares if I use that rope swing that's in like a public space. Nobody cares if I go and move my body on this turf soccer field. Nobody cares. Like do you live your life, live your life. And I have found so much freedom in my own existence when I allow myself to say yes to myself and to really think about

play as a necessity. And that I think when we decide to not curb our joy, I think that's when we decide to allow play in. I think that's the places of play. And I think play is a necessity and it can show up everywhere, but it requires a deep presence where you're not trying to escape anything of where your feet are.

Bonnie (10:27.534)
So wherever your feet are, if you are present in that moment, and if you can listen to yourself and the stories you tell about what can be a yes, what can be a no, where can you give yourself permission to ask those questions and then to take action. Y 'all, that's the freedom that we're talking about. That's the freedom.

that it feels like the play feels like freedom.

Play feels like freedom.

Bonnie (11:08.59)
And it's so easy to say no. It's so easy to say no. I remember somebody who, gosh, this is a long time ago. And so this person has changed, I have changed. But in a moment, this was years ago, in some moments then, I would be doing some yoga poses in public.

And I wanted some yoga poses. Like this is Instagram yoga for sure where I'm like, I'm going to do this pose and I want to post a picture of it. And it was delighting me. It was making me excited to do some public yoga. And so I'd asked this person to make a picture of me. I was doing the yoga in public, right? And this person felt really self -conscious about making a picture of me. And I remember saying, but I'm the one even like doing the weird ass shape.

I just need you to make a picture. That's all I need you to do is make a picture. And this person would, but there was like a good, like there's a good amount of conversation about this. And it was always fascinating to me how it really, it really is a choice that each of us have to make to let play be a necessity and to give ourselves permission to be the weird one.

and to remember that people are gonna think something regardless. So we might as well enjoy it. I might as well enjoy it. And I think there can be a piece in this conversation where maybe in that situation, and I think of some conversations I've had with my kiddos about, I think it's.

I don't know what the term, this is the right term, but like a secondhand embarrassment where you look at somebody and you feel embarrassed for them. Like it's like you, you have the sensation even though it's not happening to you. We're like, I'm glad that's not me. Like that's so embarrassing. Perhaps you've had a thought like this. And so I think that also curbs our joy because that puts us in a place of fear and constriction and smallness. We've put a ceiling.

Bonnie (13:31.022)
on the joy we are willing to receive.

So instead, maybe when that thought comes again, when you hear yourself maybe say, my gosh, that's so embarrassing, I can't believe that happened to them. Maybe there's room actually for a question rather than a statement. Maybe instead of saying the statement, that's so embarrassing, maybe it's the question of how were they able to do that and give themselves permission?

What kind of room does a question like that create inside of you?

Bonnie (14:15.694)
So this is what we have to talk about. And it feels like the same thing that I've been talking about for a long time. And also it feels really important right now in a new way. And I'm not even sure I know the new way, but I just really think that play as necessity and not curbing your joy and figuring out where to say yes that you feel like would be so fun.

even if it lasts one second. I can't tell you how many times that I've been walking around and I've thought, man, I just, I really want to do a handstand.

and the times when I do, and the times when I don't, right? There's gonna be both. But it can be that in a lot of ways and places, right? And we're being conscious, we're being aware of our impact on others. And there can be some things that we want in an instant, we're like, I really want that, or I want to do that, or whatever that may have different impact on other people. So of course we're having awareness and...

presence with ourselves and with the people that were around. Absolutely.

But I'm gonna read this quote to you. I was referencing Sarah Blondin a bit ago, right? And in one of her meditations, she says that her hope is that when people think of me, they smile because in my presence, they feel free.

Bonnie (15:55.566)
And perhaps somebody else is receiving secondhand embarrassment by me doing some weird shit. Totally fine. I mean, the amount of stories I've told to her on this podcast or public places, people like, people can have all sorts of feels about me and they probably do because they're humans and having their own personal journey. And how can I give myself permission to move? And how does that, yes.

myself and how do the knows that create more room, how do I have my embracing of those as well, allow me to really be in my feet, be exactly where I am, be in my feet. And how can that be a ripple effect for not only my life, because it's a hundred percent affects my life.

in my trajectory forward, the more I give myself permission to remove the ceiling on the amount of joy I'm willing to receive, but it definitely also impacts other people. And of course, in a very real sort of way, I am sharing this on this podcast where other people will be listening to this and you are listening to this right now. So here's the invitation. I have shared different invitations before and

People have emailed me and shared their stories after listening to the podcast. And I love that this is an alive thing. Y 'all like this podcast is gonna be almost five years old. Ooh, it's making me feel emotional. I did not plan on that. This is an alive thing. This is something that maybe I'm creating and I'm co -creating episodes of the people, but the ongoing conversation is alive.

and is perpetual between us. And I love that. And I love that we can continue to have an expansion on these ideas and there's so much room for it. So the invitation is for you to observe today. Stay that you are listening to this podcast. I want you to observe today where you might curb your joy.

Bonnie (18:21.997)
and give yourself permission to say yes. And do the thing, even if it's as small as using a rope swing from the curb to the sidewalk, that literally took like a half a second that you saw. Like if you see it across the street and you go and do that thing, that is you leaning into your joy and your play. And I wanna hear about it.

I want to hear about it. So that is your invitation. Tag me on the gram, post it in your stories and get, and tag me be like, I played today. I gave myself permission to say yesterday, right? Tag me, send it to me. I want to hear about it. If you want, just write me an email, write me at hello at bonnieweeks .com. Send me an email. Tell me about your experience. What happened because of it? How did you feel? Did anybody actually say something? Did they give themselves permission?

There's somebody that on the turf field, that same soccer field, gosh, like, I don't know, eight years ago, seven years ago, I was out there doing handstands and flowing and had my mat. And there is a person who walked up to me and we started talking and I just saw them a couple of weeks ago and we were able to connect again. And there's this person, we like, we mostly follow each other on the gram and stuff now, but she came up to me and we were chatting it up and.

That's because I did the thing, right? The introduction of now I know Laura. Hi Laura.

Bonnie (19:53.902)
The ripple effect is real and your play is important and play is a necessity. So go get it. You can hold it to yourself. Invitation to share it with me, share it on the gram with me, post a story, send me an email. And if this podcast let you up and if this podcast in general and this podcast episode in general or in specific, then

I would love for you to share this podcast as well, or maybe leave a review. It helps other people find this and that means a whole lot to me. So thank you. Thank you for being here and thank you for playing. Let's do this again soon.