243 - Put Yourself in Rooms That Let You Get Big

The stories we tell about ourselves can make us feel smaller or less valuable, or they can make us feel big. 

Today I share about how I'm reclaiming myself. Re-storying myself. 

Last week, I changed a story I've had about myself for a long time; the opportunity was unexpected but the choice was intentional: to move from a story that made me feel small to one that makes me feel big. 

This is about finding rooms where we can be our authentic selves. It's about finding the rooms where we get to be big, and invite others' big, and through that, change the world. 

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The music for this episode is Threads by The Light Meeting.
Produced by: Grey Tanner

Transcript

Bonnie (00:01.134)
Hmm, I have such

Bonnie (00:07.181)
a delightful story for you today. And it is a story about a way that I have claimed myself again, I guess is a short way of saying it. I have.

gosh, unshamed myself by myself because of the stories that I tell about myself, right? And I think you might know what I mean because I'm sure that you maybe have told stories about yourself, whether you've just told them to yourself or you've actually said them out loud to other people where they are stories that make you feel smaller or less than or less valuable.

Stories that make you want to shrink a little bit. Stories that don't create room for more or for expansion.

So let's talk about that today. And as you're here, I just wanna say thank you if you have left me some sort of review about the podcast or rated the podcast on whatever platform that you're listening to. Some platforms you can actually leave comments, some of you can only leave like a star rating because when you do that, it makes this podcast be recommended to more people. And if you're like me,

then we really believe that when each of us take the time to pay attention to who we are and how we're showing up in life, it changes us. It changes the world. If we can just bring that amount, a little bit more of mindfulness into our day. And you know, even my sister just said recently that there's a prompt that she's been giving people and saying, okay, what does it look like to get just, just

Bonnie (02:00.878)
5 % more comfortable, just 5 % more in yourself, not a whole lot, just a little bit. And I think about that for the podcast and for sharing it. Like if we can just get even 5 % more mindful today where we take a pause where usually we just plow through and what changes, what are the ripple effects because of that? So if you have not, then please share this podcast, rate it, review it, take a second to go do that.

It is greatly beneficial and I feel really grateful for your time to do that because we're here and this is free and this is easy and that requires something of you. So I just wanna say thank you. Of course, if you share this on social media, I love to reshare anybody who's listening the podcast. So if you tag me, then I can see it. I love that, I love to hear those takeaways. And I think it's fun because gosh, this podcast is...

over four and a half years old now and it's, and it has had different stages and, and I love that I have grown along with it. And if I were to zoom back four years from four years ago, right? Like the Bonnie then is different than the Bonnie that you are hearing here and now.

Bonnie (03:22.469)
And I'm not sure that we ever, you know, arrive at any particular thing because tomorrow I will wake up and I will say, who am I now?

gosh, but let me tell you a story. This story is going to begin with that I am writing a book and I've been sharing it on social media a bit and I am so excited about it. Like, like I'm so excited about it.

And even today I was talking to somebody who has been a part of in real life flow school with me and anybody who comes to in real life flow school, those teachers who show up with me, I give them a part of their enrollment in that is that I give them a one -on -one like free, you know, per se, but I give them a one -on -one hour long coaching call or mentorship call after flow school. So we do that on zoom and I was talking to this person today and, and just the

what she walked away from flow school with.

I love that I couldn't have dreamt where I am. And the gift it is.

Bonnie (04:41.166)
That as I show up, as I do the work and the play to show up as my most authentic self and to deliver something of value and to hold space for other people to be able to expand into and open the door for them to open the door for themselves. It is a freaking gift. And so the book is part of that. And this is a sequencing book for yoga teachers and

You know right now we're in the process of making pictures I say we because I said am I Matt I I take a pose and I think through it and this book could be you know a thousand pages long TBD on the format of it of how it will actually like play out, but then I am paying to have photo like photo space at a studio a photo studio here in the Portland area and

we go make pictures, we meaning me, my lover who is a photographer and two friends who are both skilled as fuck at their own things and visuals and in beauty and in book layout and in editing and all three of those people. My lover who has this eye that is

Like I can't, I can't not be behind his camera and not come away looking at the pictures being like, wait, that's me. And that's such a gift to allow myself to be seen and has been a process and is such, gosh, like I can't even, I couldn't even beat, this is gonna be a whole other tangent of this story. Like I couldn't even be here to make these pictures for this book where we'll walk away from a photo day. I think we've had what, five or six photo days now.

and we'll walk away with like 4 ,000 pictures. Like there are so many pictures of me that I could have even ever imagined of myself, right? And the befriending of all of my angles that has occurred and will continue to occur for me to create something like this that is of value for yoga teachers and people who are yoga nerds. You don't have to be a teacher to be able to use this book. But in creating this book and

Bonnie (07:08.718)
I am so delighted that how it will impact flow school and the work that I do. And most importantly, I will, I am so excited for it to impact the lives of the teachers and those who are looking to sequence and to find their own freedom and creativity.

So I'm making this book, right? That's what this podcast is about, but that's not what this podcast is about. But I was, okay, so let's get to it. So I was in the bathroom at the place where we make pictures for this book. And we hadn't started yet. And I went in there and I was just having a minute and...

Bonnie (08:02.158)
Sometimes I have these mirror moments and I don't really plan them. And I would so encourage you to watch this for yourself, but I don't really plan them, but I will pause and look at myself in the mirror. And I often will use my name and I'll be like, hey, Bonnie, and then I'll say something. And in this moment, I looked at myself in the mirror and I said, hey, Bonnie.

Bonnie (08:33.774)
Look at these people who have showed up to make something with you. There's no money. People are making zero money. You're just paying to do this thing. And these people who are talented as fuck have shown up to do this thing with you. You are easy to love.

I looked at myself and it made me teary and I, I looked myself in the eyes in the mirror and I said, Bonnie, you are easy to love.

Bonnie (09:07.63)
And in that moment, I changed a story.

And if you have been listening to this podcast for a second, you know that I've talked about restorying yourself and we will continue to do this as long as we are alive. But I have told the story that I am hard to love. I have told the story that perhaps it would be better for me to be by myself, to not engage with other people, to cause less harm or heartbreak or whatever it might be. But we know that's not the way.

I know that's not really how it works. And the thing that I've told myself is that I am hard to love, but you know what? I am easy to love. I am easy to love. And the way that that sits in my body is totally different, right? You know this, you know those stories that keep you small, that make you feel constrained, that make you feel like you need to hide something.

hide you, the ones that make you feel like you need to be small in the room. I don't want to be in any room where people feel like they have to be small. I want to be in the rooms where my big invites your big invites the next person's big. And where we celebrate the hell out of that. That is the room I want to be in everywhere. That's the room I want to create. That's the room I want to be with. That, that is a room.

that when everybody leaves there, the world changes because those people are open doors for other people to embrace their most authentic expression in a way that is compassionate and bold and playful.

Bonnie (11:04.334)
and I am easy to love.

Bonnie (11:09.806)
and you.

are easy to love.

Bonnie (11:16.942)
This does not mean that everybody has to love us. This does not mean that we are for everyone. That's not what this means. Because we know that some people, it's like two fists. You're like, we're here. I don't know why it doesn't feel like we can't mesh together. And then other people, you just slide right in. You're like, my gosh, this feels amazing. Like, hello, who are you? Like, we must have known each other in another life.

And those people that you meet as a fist, you're like, why doesn't this, like why doesn't it feel like this is an easy fit? And that happens. And that's normal. That's really okay. That does not make you hard to love. And also we are continually learning.

I am not the same person that enters a relationship right now as I was when I entered a relationship 20 years ago. You know, we've learned a couple things. And if I fully trust that I am gonna show up and do the best that I can, and if I fully trust that whoever I'm with is also gonna show up and do the best that they can, then we will meet each other and it will play out in the way that it plays out and.

Bonnie (12:36.11)
I am easy to love.

and I looked at myself in that mirror, y 'alls.

Bonnie (12:44.846)
And I found a whole softness that I did not expect. I did not go into that bathroom to do anything more than pee.

Bonnie (12:55.822)
I'm gonna talk about peeing here. And I walked out with such gratitude for these other human beings who did not have to choose to be there.

who don't have to choose to be there and yet they continue to show up.

Bonnie (13:21.23)
yet they continue to show up. So perhaps, perhaps I am not so hard to love. Perhaps I'm easy to love.

Bonnie (13:34.862)
Mm.

I don't know what story you've been telling yourself and perhaps at this very moment, if I were to say, what's the story that you've been telling yourself where you feel small? And maybe you can't think of one at this moment, but there might be, maybe there will be one that pops up and maybe there's one you're like, I know exactly what it is, but whatever it is, whatever it is you're telling yourself, first of all, if you shame yourself and to say, I'm like, I'm a terrible person for telling this story.

That's not gonna work. There's already shame in that story that's making you feel small. And you know, sometimes it is because we are in the wrong rooms.

I was in a room within this past year that I was invited into, but there was...

an invitation for me to only show up in a small capacity. And I am not, but to stay and to contribute, but to stay in a smaller capacity. And...

Bonnie (14:51.534)
that is okay. And also it was an interesting experience for me to realize how much I was holding back and the way that it didn't feel like it flowed between me and some of the other people because I was not showing up as myself because that part wasn't being invited. And I enjoyed myself in that room and

I found myself limited.

Bonnie (15:29.902)
And that is an okay room to have been in because it has taught me something. And I really believe that if we are building things together.

they're gonna be more impactful when we look at the people that we have as players and say, what are these people's strengths? What did they bring to this space? And if I'm choosing them and if they're being chosen for this particular thing, be it a yoga studio, be it an event, be it any other sort of business and venture, right? That we lean on those skills and abilities and

and like who those people are and what they bring to the table is an impact. Like it creates impact for what we are building together. And yeah, there's a lot of trust building to create in this. Team building is one of my faves and it is hard and it takes a lot of time. And also it is one of the things that will greatly impact the outcome of a thing.

is when we utilize the gifts of each other and give room for them to be like really present and for people to really lean into who they are and what they have to give.

So maybe all that to say, if you are feeling continually small, maybe look at the room or the rooms, multiple, that you are in. And maybe you need a different room. And maybe you can't quite leave that room right now, but maybe there's other rooms that you can place yourself in where you can be in like, I wanna take star pose as.

Bonnie (17:25.838)
as a yoga pose, right? A star pose where your arms are wide and your legs are right. And you're like, I have arrived. Like find a room that makes you feel like you can say, I have arrived. And where you stand up and where you look people in the eye and you're like, okay, yeah, this is here. This is me. I've got this. And y 'all, that could be like, there are so many different rooms in the world. There's so many different people. There's so many different things happening and find.

Find at least one of those places for you. I don't care what it is, find one though. Find one. Because there's something that you have, there's something that you have that makes you lovable as fuck and you being seen and you bringing that into the world.

Bonnie (18:18.638)
That is a felt experience and that will change not only you, but that will change the other people around you. 100%. If you are moved, you will move others.

If you are moved, you will move others. Put yourself in rooms where you remind yourself, I'm easy to love. I am easy to love. Put yourself there. Let yourself expand and let those people around you expand with you. And if you start to feel intimidated, if you're one of those people in a room, you're like, I'm feeling intimidated because somebody else feels like they are big in this room. And it makes me want to get small.

Ask more questions about that. Are you sure? Are they actually saying that you have to be small? If they are, is that the room or is that you with an assumption that if one person is doing that, another person can't, why can't you also? Why can't you also and create the dialogue maybe that needs to exist there. And maybe it just needs to exist in you first and you noticing and slowing down so you can do the practice of paying attention where you're like, yeah, my strong.

that being my strong is paying attention right here to my own damn heart and what I'm feeling and what I'm thinking and then carrying that forward and out and up.

bigger and more you.

Bonnie (19:49.486)
You are easy to love.

Bonnie (19:56.686)
Well, y 'all I'm creating a book. I'm writing a book and I don't know what timeline it's going to be published in yet, but my goal is by the end of September to have all pictures done. There's some writing to do for it. And, I know, like, I know that when I do this book and I put it all together, that it is going to change some trajectory of what I'm doing and how I'm doing it in a beautiful ways.

It's going to be a beautiful book because yoga books are not all very beautiful. It's going to be beautiful. We need some beauty in here and it's going to be playful, interesting, like exciting to look at. And it's going to be smart as hell. All of those things. So if that's interesting to you, stay tuned. There will be more coming about that. I don't know. I have no pre -orders. I'm just, you know, I'm just giving money to something that I know that has to exist in the world.

and creating the damn thing and is going to be a game changer and I am excited about it and I am grateful for all those people who are showing up to make it a reality next to me and who also excited with me. So thank you for being one of those people and I hope that you find yourself in rooms that you can be big today. Talk soon.