215 - Keeping Promises to Ourselves

Have you ever gotten to a place where you're tired of you getting in your own way?

Today is about that.

I share about the process of getting a new tattoo and how it relates to keeping promises to myself. And all the things that can get in the way of that, like procrastination and comparison and perfectionism.

This is about meeting and befriending the parts of ourselves that are holding us back. And learning to work with them so we can do more of the things we want for ourselves and our lives. 

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The music for this episode is Threads by The Light Meeting.
Produced by: Grey Tanner

Transcript

Here we are together again. And I'm feeling real grateful about it. Because today I get to tell you a story about getting a tattoo this past weekend and how that really is going to be about a podcast about keeping your promises to yourself. And I didn't know that was gonna be the phrase that I walked out of getting my tattoo.

And sitting there in the chair for hours, I didn't know that was gonna be part of my tattoo. So I have a big snake tattoo, it's going down my arm. It's healing and it's wrapped because that was only two days ago as I'm recording this. And I have had a tattoo on my forearm, on my inner right forearm that is the outline of a plant, of a philodendron. 

Philodendron is a plant that is viney and it likes to grow really long. And I had this little plant when it was a baby and my ex actually drew a picture of it because I had wanted a tattoo and I kind of was like, okay, well, if I could pick a plant in my house because I have over a hundred plants in my house, I don't know. I had close to two hundred at one point in time, but some of them have died and I've gotten rid of some. So we don't have 200 anymore. 

But at the time I looked around the house and thought of a couple that I think I thought would be kind of cool as a tattoo. And this little babe I was like, yeah, that's it. That's going to be one. And he drew it and I liked it and found a person who would tattoo somebody else's artwork. And I just wanted the line work. I was just drawn as line work and that's what I wanted and that's what I've had. And I remember the morning after I had that tattooed, which was February of 2019. 

And I woke up the next morning and thought, Oh my gosh, I have a giant tattoo on my arm. And I was like, well, okay, I guess that's what I'm doing now. You can't really take it back. You know, it's kind of like having a kid. I mean, supposedly there's un-tattoo places and, and that works. I'm not really sure that whole process seems like it would still leave some sort of mark, but I really don't know. So I guess I have some education

Bonnie (02:24.01)

to embark on. But it's kind of like a full send experience, I think with a tattoo. And I grew up Mormon, where it was very spoken poorly about to get a tattoo, that is not what you do, that is a sin, it's bad, it looks bad, it represents that you are not, you know, choosing the right things. So.

You know, I left the church, eventually I got a tattoo, here we are. So that is the tattoo experience that I've had and it was just line work and you know, it happened fairly quickly. This tattoo that I got two days ago is feel like it's filled in almost completely. And it goes from like the front of my shoulder all the way down my arm, a little bit of my elbow pit, the back of my elbow and then down to my forearm. And it's beautiful.

And I'm excited to watch it heal and see what it looks like after this wrap is off of it and you know all the things but I had never had this experience I would say and if you've had a tattoo you're like oh I know what you're talking about right where the line work happens where they basically will trace the shape so the shape is traced and then it went back in to be shaded so

shading that happened on it, happened on the entire body of it, where there's, you know, lighter and darker places on the snake itself. And then on top of that went back, the tattoo artist went back and did texture on top of that. So when you get a tattoo, they're like little cuts in your skin. And so it was cuts on cuts on cuts to then put the ink in my skin. And I was.

I was in a bit of pain, especially at the end. And, you know, here we are at Yoga Strong where we talk about yoga things, but I was totally, there was a part in the process towards the end where right after I was getting my tattoo, I was gonna go teach a private yoga class. And so I just started walking through class in my head and actually it was a great distraction where I was flowing in my mind and moving at breath pace in my vision of

Bonnie (04:48.298)

like myself on the mat. I could imagine myself on the mat and how I would move and how I'd breathe with how I'd move. So I was planning this whole class in my head as I was sitting there. And you know, that was nice for a second. I think this tattoo though, you know, as I kind of came back and I was like, oh my gosh, this is painful. I sat there thinking about why I was getting it. And

how it was a representation as a snake to represent growth. And a snake represents growth because it has to shed in order to grow. And part of the shedding is that the skin has to come off of the snake's eyes. And it's actually problematic if the snake doesn't come, like the skin doesn't come all the way off of the snake's eyes. That is really problematic for the snake. But during that process, the snake is blind. And I love the analogy of that.

That in order to grow we have to shed an entire layer including the way we may see something. And after we shed that layer then we see clear again and we are in a different state, we're in a larger capacity. And that is how I really try to approach the world. How can I

be in my surroundings? How can I recognize when I need to grow and shed the skin that I'm in, shed my perspective and to gain more clarity? So I love that. Excuse me, I love that piece. And I also love that this particular tattoo incorporates the snake skeleton, but in the form of a plant. And the artist had the skeleton come out of the skin

and a couple places and instead of putting bones, it looks like fern leaves. And so it's this mixture of plants and animals and life and death and the cyclical nature of things. And as I was sitting there saying, this hurts like hell, but why am I doing this? And thinking about how my grandpa's 100 and my grandma's 97, they're still alive and kicking and how I'm going to die.

Bonnie (07:13.842)

And how I don't know when that's gonna happen and how if I want this just fucking do it. Just do the damn thing. And that made me think about how I've wanted this snake tattoo and from this particular artist for a long time. Like I've wanted this for over a year. Do you know how much effort it is to think about something for so long?

And to have it on your list that you're like, this is what I wanna do, this is what I wanna do, sometimes the anticipation is part of the play, right? And when, and I really do trust there's a mixed bag here because I really trust the timing of things. This was the right time to get the tattoo, this is the right person to tattoo it because the person who tattooed is not the person who drew the art. And so all of these pieces came into play. So I trust that this was the right time for it to unfold and also, and also,

I knew that I wanted this a long time ago. And as I sat there in the chair and it took four hours of tattooing and as I sat there towards the end, I thought this is me keeping my promises to myself. Because y'all, I woke up on Friday, last Friday morning and as I'm recording this is on a Monday. So it's only a couple of days ago and I woke up on Friday and I thought to myself, I am tired of you.

I am tired of you and your excuses and not keeping your promises to yourself because you said you wanted some things. It was December 1st. You wanted some things on December 1st and they are not done. And there is ways that could have been done. And I'm tired of you. So I had this little board meeting with myself because I'm my own boss. I'm the one who has to do the shit.

And get the things rolling and going and ask people for help if I need help. But I'm the boss. I'm the boss and the employee and the boss and the employee inside me had a little conversation and said, you need to do better. Step it up. And this is not me beating myself up because we can do that and we can speak really poorly to ourselves. And it wasn't that this was a, Hey, we want to go somewhere.

Bonnie (09:34.674)

And you're not helping me get there as a conversation to myself. And I love that happened on Friday. Saturday, I'm getting my tattoo. I'm sitting there and it hurts like hell. And I'm trying to just relax. I thought of it when I'm in the dentist chair and the dentist is like doing things in my mouth, right? And I'm like, okay, relax. Soften the body, soften the body. Let it be okay. And I thought, this is it.

This is me keeping my promises to myself. This is me saying I wanted a tattoo and here I'm doing the damn thing, making the time, making the space. What do I want? If you want it, there's space for it. It's the same as you think you don't want a relationship or want to be with somebody and then you meet somebody and then the sex is great and the conversation is great. You're like, actually, I have all afternoon. Sign me up, right? So it changes. So I am here to keep my promises to myself.

And I'm sharing this story with you because in my practice of paying attention to myself, this is the small moment that came this past weekend. And maybe it will resonate somewhere with you where you're saying, I'm in my own way and I don't want to be in my own way anymore. And I have been putting myself and the things that I want off to the side. And yes, we trust the timing of things. And we know that we will make the time when we're really serious about the thing.

So I think there's a play in this, right? There's not gonna be a hard rule or have to because that doesn't really work. And if I think about the history that I have with things that I said I was going to do or not going to do, it makes me actually think back to my Mormon days. And when I'm a young Mormon girl and saying, I am not going to French kiss my boyfriend. Do you wanna know how long that lasted?

Yeah, I definitely just kept going back to that because I was like, well, it's bad, I'm not supposed to, or maybe I won't make out with him and lay on top of him. Well, then I did because that's what I wanted to do. And so then I'd feel bad about it. And so I think there's a lot of ways, you know, I'm not going to, we can think about it in regards to food. We can think about it. I definitely have said, I'm not gonna be late anymore.

Bonnie (11:51.838)

That is something that drives me crazy sometimes for myself and I really try hard to not be late for things and to have my timeliness be a way of respect and attention to other people. And it is something that I have to work at and it has been my whole life like that. So however my brain works, that's the way it works, but me being aware and paying attention to it can help it shift.

So I do have a history of promises to myself. I do have a history of perfectionism, especially within the church setting and a high demand religion. And we can certainly take experiences from our past and then bring those to present and say, I'm gonna keep my promise to myself. And if I don't, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. This is not, this is not what we want people. This is not what I want for myself, but.

But-- maybe it's not a but maybe it's and-- and this is not what I want for myself and I know that nothing changes if nothing changes right and I know that's maybe sounds redundant but if you want something different you have to do something different and if I want things to move forward

I have some promises I need to keep to myself when I set a deadline, when I say I'm going to do something, I need to do it. And sometimes that might mean breaking apart of the whole system of living that I'm currently operating in. Maybe that's a look at my time. Maybe that's an auditing of my money. Maybe that's like all of these other things and all of it plays a part.

Maybe it's doing less things so that you have more time and attention to give to the things you really want to say yes to. So this is about getting out of your own way and really getting curious about what you want, why you want it and how you can make that happen. So that's where I'm at because I'm 40 and I feel like I'm just at the beginning of where I am moving, of where I am

Bonnie (14:08.574)

a shit ton of things and learning. I have so much to learn. I'm learning so much and I got the snake tattoo and I'm ready to keep transforming. I'm ready to keep growing. I'm ready to keep the promises to myself and figure out what that means from day to day and from thing to thing. And you know,

I have my own kind of relationship with procrastination. We can actually, all of us will like, if we have two weeks to do the thing, when will we do the thing? At the end of that two weeks. If we have one day when we'll do it, that day, right? So procrastination can play a piece in this. And sometimes like what gets in the way of us thinking, like not keeping our promises to ourselves, not getting out of our own way. So when we're in our own way, maybe we're procrastinating. If we're in our own way, maybe we think that we don't matter.

That we're not bringing anything that's of significance. Maybe when we're in our own way, we're afraid of failure. Maybe we're afraid of success. Being in our own way is being not sure if we know enough to even begin and being terrified of being a beginner and being bad. Like, I'm gonna put that in quotes being like bad, right?

What does it mean to be bad at something? And if you're at the beginning of something, it's gonna be like the most awkward. Like beginning energy is both exciting and awkward. It's both. And thinking we have to do things perfectly, that gets in our own way. So let's, like, can we set any of that down? Can we set all that down and befriend those parts of us?

Can I befriend my procrastination? Can I befriend my perfectionism? Can I befriend that I'm nervous that I don't know enough? Can I befriend any of those things? And by befriend, I'm thinking, how can we acknowledge these parts of us? How can we say, oh, I see you, and even just simply naming it, saying, oh, I think this part of me is talking to me right now and it's being loud. This part is extra loud. And I see you.

Bonnie (16:22.658)

and I'm gonna say hi. And this makes me think about my pain journey this past year. And as I was teaching yoga classes this weekend, I shared this and it all felt like it kind of tied together because as I was getting my tattoo, it reminded me as well of this, where when I was in a lot of pain in my low back and my left S-I, which really was not from a specific injury, it was from a lot of different things and has healed

I would not say 100% but pretty damn close. It's so much better. That's again, a shit ton of work and a whole other, you know, 10 conversations. But one of the mantra that I found during that time was I work with my pain, not against it. And when I was in deep...

pain in my body. And when you're in deep pain, you want to escape and get away. And it's like a fight or flight or freeze sometimes moment when you're like, oh my gosh, that's so intense. And everything locks up and gets tight and stiff.

Bonnie (17:30.446)

We're trying to do the opposite. We're trying to soften. So I started saying the phrase, found it in my head one day where I said, I work with my pain, not against it. There was a flight that I took in January of this year, as it's December, where I flew for four hours, same length as this tattoo, right? But I flew for this four hours and the last hour and a half I was in so much pain. I sat still, tried to not move a single muscle.

And the entire time in my head, I repeated that for a full hour and a half. Y'all, it was like not the flight I ever want to repeat again. Like that whole situation was really, really painful. And so I've made some changes since then. I'm like, we are not gonna do this anymore. But that phrase of I work with my pain, not against it came to me as well when I was getting this tattoo. And then as I taught a yoga class after that tattoo, and then again the next day, I shared again this kind of

mantra as one that you can take and make your own, especially as we're talking about keeping your promises to yourself about getting out of your own way is talking to those parts of us and befriending them that are getting in our way and saying, hey, I see you. And sometimes talking to those parts be like, hey, perfectionism, what are you trying to do? And thinking about working with ourselves,

not against ourselves. And so maybe the word is pain. I work with my pain, not against it. But maybe it's I work with my body, not against it. I work with my schedule, not against it. I work with my relationship, not against it. I work with my children, not against them. I work with my business, not against it. Right? I work with my seasons, not against them. And having this be a

Bonnie (19:25.578)

when you find yourself in that tight place, you're like, oh, why, why? Where it can't, when you're feeling frustrated and when you're feeling like you're stuck.

Bonnie (19:39.338)

I work with my pain, not against it. I work with my body, not against it. And say that. Acknowledge those parts of you that are getting in the way, that are being loud storytellers that are making you feel small. If there's stories in your head that are making you feel smaller and smaller and smaller until you're like a little thing and you're afraid to share your voice, you're afraid to roll your shoulders back, you're afraid to stand up tall, you're afraid to start something.

You're afraid to move. Just notice. And start to befriend them, start to talk to them, start to say like, hey, what are you trying to tell me? And can I tell you something to too? And have the conversation with them. Because I think that you probably know something right now that you want. You probably know something you wanna build or something you wanna create or something that you want to move forward with in your life. I bet you have.

at least one thing you can name right now. And there can be some realistic ways of setting goals. And I don't even wanna say the word setting goals, but there can be some realistic ways to help you move forward to actually accomplish the things. And the timeframe and what the particular thing is and how involved it is and how many different players are included, et cetera. That's gonna make a difference. But is there a promise

that you have made or you would like to make to yourself of something you would like to do, create, be, etc. And how can you work with yourself, not against yourself, in order to get there where you talk to yourself in a way that feels expansive, that feels transformational, that feels like you get to shed old parts of yourself so you can see with more clarity and change your vision and your perspective. This is the lesson

while I was getting my tattoo. This is my season of keeping my promises to myself and it's a time to get bigger with more clarity and knowing that that's gonna come back around where I'll get fuzzy again and I will then get clarity again because that's what learning is like. We're like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. No, okay, wait, now we got it. No, no, we don't got it. Oh, now we've got it, right? That's how it works, that's what happens. Hmm.

Bonnie (22:07.114)

When I defined yoga as the practice of paying attention years ago, it has always been this. It's always been these small moments, these words that I find in my head, the attention I might give in a passing stranger. And it is not always easy.

And it's a learning space for me. But this is the yoga. This is the yoga. The movement matters, I love the movement. It teaches me these things as well.

But all of it, all of it is this practice of paying attention. Let's keep our promises to ourselves, y'all. Whatever that is for you. If you would like to share, please share. Please do a shout out on the gram. Comment on this story, like share it in your stories and share what you're keeping your promise to yourself. If you wanna send me a personal note, email me, hello at bonnieweeks.com.

If you want to drop a comment about the podcast, it helps other people find this podcast, helps other people learn how to start keeping promises to themselves. Because y'all, if we did this and if we felt lit up from the inside and had these conversations with ourselves where we're like the multiple selves in ourselves where we're like right, wake up and like, hey, what are you doing in there? Like let's work together. We all start having these conscious type of conversations-- y'all the world's going to change. And it's because we do it here together.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing this podcast. Thank you for interacting with me offline. Thank you for being here in this moment where we get to connect like this. Keep practicing paying attention, y'all. Sending love.